Gen Three- Chapter Thirty Eight

Sensitive content this chapter

It'd been about, oh, five minutes since the sound of my heavier footfalls on the treadmill and deep, labored breathing overwhelmed the sound coming from the television mounted on the wall. There was a remote if I wanted to turn it up, but the stupid thing had fallen out of the cubby and onto the floor. No way I was going to pick it up. I barely paid attention to the television anyway. If I  stopped for a second my body would refuse to let me restart the workout. It'd been two months, and the routine I set for myself strengthened me faster than ever before. I woke up at eight, ran for twenty minutes, took a cool shower, ate breakfast, did my work with the plants in the corner, watched television for a bit, and then worked out until lunch. That was where I currently was in the schedule. Still, my body protested all the time for I simply didn't have that athletic bug like Gilly had. I shook my head as I thought of her- as the brief glimpse of that picture of her and Merlot's dead bodies burned itself into my memory. I wouldn't force it out as I used the anger of it as motivation, but at the moment it was the wrong kind of motivation.

     "Dia?"

I tried not to jump as a head peeked into the door. The sounds of my struggle had masked the entrance of someone coming downstairs. My visitors were limited to two people. Timber or his dad. Occasionally the both of them when Timber insisted I needed cheering up. We'd watch television or eat a meal together. I waited in that moment for Timber to poke his head inside my bedroom as well, but Russet was alone. I refused to call him Mr. Mountain now. He didn't deserve the honor.

     "I was able to get what you asked me for." he relayed, holding up a plastic bag with several boxes inside.

     "Thanks. Just let me do my cool down and change into something better. Grab one of the dining table chairs and set it in front of the mirror in the bathroom, yeah?"

     "Sure."

Between him and his son though, Russet's company was something I moderately looked forward to. Not that I wished him to be a companion of mine at all, but I couldn't be picky. I needed social interaction to stay sane. Russet was the best I could do.

     "Are you sure you want me to help you?" he wondered when everything was set, "It's not like I've ever done this before."

     "I've never done it before either. Should be just like painting though, and you have a much easier reach around my head than I do."

     "Fair enough."

He gently brushed my hair off my shoulders and separated it into different sections. When I handed him the brush, Russet knew to start at the bottom and work his way up to avoid clumping the tangles into a bigger mess. I glanced at his reflection in the mirror. He treated me in his usual kind manner while the heartbroken, guilty gleam hiding in his stare never faltered. His life had spiraled out of control long before mine had, and I almost felt bad for him. If only this hadn't been his fault to begin with.

     "Have you ever wanted a daughter? Or more children in general?" I asked, leaning against the chair's backing, "Or to get married?"
     "I wanted all of that," Russet admitted with a wry smile, "Before dad died, there was this girl I used to work with that I'd hoped to ask out one day. Maybe if I worked up the courage sooner things would have been different. Dad told me to go for it more times than I could count. He wanted me to have the family he hadn't had, the kind he hadn't been able to give me. No matter how much he grumbled about getting older dad was ready and excited to be a grandfather."

I ran my hands along the smooth length of my leggings. Searching out calming touches and interesting textures helped keep me grounded. Using the mirror, I glanced Russet's way again. Buckeye sounded normal when Russet talked of him this way.

     "Will you tell me more of what your dad was like to you growing up? I will never stop hating him for what he did to my family, but you must have loved him a lot to have sought revenge so strongly."
     "That's..."

Russet hesitated until the majority of my hair was brushed. He'd been honest with me in every conversation, and, while he brought up Buckeye himself from time to time, this was the first occasion of me prodding deeper into the subject. It obviously dragged to the surface something painful as Russet's expression contorted as if he was trying not to cry. I allowed myself to feel guilty for one split second before inwardly repeating the words I just said. Russet must have loved his father greatly in order to attack my family and set in motion the events that killed Gilly and Merlot.

     "He was a very good father," he finally answered, his voice quiet but steady, "The angry and violent side that lay within him never came out in my direction. Dad wished more than anything to be like his own father. He was soft and supportive, and he hugged me multiple times everyday even when I was a teenager and clawed him off. I admired how hard he worked at his job, at how desperately he wished to make the world better. The day I told him I wanted to join him and strive towards his goal too he cried.

After another lingering stretch of silence, Russet sighed.

     "It took too long for me to figure out though that just because he was a good father didn't mean he was a good person. I didn't want to believe there was that darkness inside him. I ignored the obvious lie he told me about why he had Amaranth under his harsh control. I believed him when he explained why Coal had to be punished too. All the pure delight he got from hurting them...I refused to acknowledge it. Just as I foolishly thought I had control on Timber. I know you won't forgive me, but I am sorry, Dia. I did try to stop it."

The hand he went to place comfortingly on my shoulder he hurriedly yanked back. Russet surely expected me to flinch at the thought of his touch. Not only because of my hatred towards him, but because of Timber's explorations with me. He didn't come to visit me every night. It'd been six times now including that first experience, which was less than once a week. Still...

     "That's enough of that kind of talk. Let's get going with this experiment." I ignored the seriousness.
     "Right. I'll do my best not to have it come out stripey."

I opened the hair dye box, handed the instructions to Russet, and we took the leap on this little adventure. When the smelly chemicals were on my head making my scalp appear as if I bled from every pore, some concern sank in. It wasn't like there was any going back though. Russet set a timer on his watch, we waited, and then he helped me wash the dye off in the sink. I refused to take a look at myself until he blow-dryed our creation and I combed out the new tangles.

     "Here are the contacts," Russet set the other boxes on the counter when my new look transfixed my stare in the mirror, "Why don't you try them out while I get started on lunch?"

He didn't wait for a response. I was left alone in the bathroom to struggle in forcing my eyes to accept random objects I now placed on top of them. Russet had gotten me both green and purple varieties to match that of my siblings' colors. Trying the green ones first had me freezing more and reaching out to touch my reflection. My reflection that could be my twin's. I hadn't dared put any of the dye on my eyebrows, but the pink reflected the red of its own accord. My darker skin tone also became negligible under the lights.

     "Hi."

Dianthus spoke, and Gilly smiled back. I instantly inhaled sharply though and glanced away. The illusion stole too much of reality. For that brief second I truly believed my sister was right there. That I could reach out and touch her. This had been the major issue with me coming up with this plan. I needed to stay sane, and talking to myself like this while tricking my mind could unsettle me with time.

However, even though I knew that...

I had to smile at myself once more.

Then I dashed out of the bathroom. The trick was seriously too strong. I would have to give myself more time to grow used to my new appearance before using such a technique as a comfort. Changing into my normal clothes helped. They were all I had left of my free life as Timber took and did who know's what with my phone while I was unconscious. I wore the other clothes provided so as to not wear down the outfit too much, but this afternoon I felt I would need the support. Russet was beginning to cut vegetables for a salad when I joined him in the kitchen area. I had some food in my fridge, and I was allowed to have cups, bowls, plates, and spoons. No forks or knives were allowed unless Timber or Russet brought them down when they came down for meals. I also wasn't allowed to help with the cooking prep, and the oven remained unconnected. No doubt they knew I was on the lookout for the opportunity to strike back. I had to be broken more before they permitted me the privilege of not having to eat with my fingers when they didn't join me.

     "Did you have to use these kind of peppers?" I protested when we sat down to eat, "You know I don't like them."
     "They're good for you, and you yourself told me to make sure your meals were diverse and nutritional even if they had stuff you disliked." Russet mildly teased.
     "I rescind that order."
     "Too late."
     "I just won't eat them then."
     "I already let you get away with dying your hair today even though I shouldn't have supported it, so you're going to have to eat your peppers, Dia."
     "And why shouldn't you have let me dye my hair?"

I expected a few answers. Not wanting to spoil me, Russet sharing my concern over looking too much like my sister, or the like. He instead a raised a brow and spoke more seriously than I anticipated.

     "It's bad to dye your hair when you're pregnant, isn't it?" he offered his reply in a question.

I forgot the taste of the hated peppers within my mouth. Every muscle turned rigid while I couldn't tear my gaze away from his no matter how much I tried. I'd hoped since neither Timber nor Russet brought up anything about all the times I ran to the bathroom or kitchen sink to throw up that they didn't monitor the cameras all that greatly. Guess they did.

     "That is an incorrect assumption you have there," I deflected the real conversation, "There's been no evidence found that dyeing one's hair is harmful to an embryo or fetus. The amount of chemicals is too low and they don't remain on the skin long enough to sink into the bloodstream in a way that would have negative side effects."
     "Oh, I see. I was wrong about that specific thing then."

I didn't take the bait. No way in hell did I want to admit to him that I was pregnant. I could hardly convince myself it was the truth even after two missed periods, all the vomiting, and the subtle pouch of chub swelling the lower part of my belly. It wasn't like Russet would think himself mistaken due to my silence of the matter, but I was going to deny it until my body betrayed me by growing too big. Thankfully, Russet didn't prod the matter. He likely felt satisfied proving to me that he knew. I slowly nibbled my salad until it was gone, leaving him to do the cleaning.

     "How's mom?" I questioned after he came and took my plate.
     "It's been much harder to monitor her now that she's out of the hospital, but...I mean, she's doing as well as any woman can do after losing two children, having the third abducted, and being paralyzed from the waist down. Amaranth is having an elevator installed where the first floor bathroom is so she can still get down to her and Coal's bedroom. Not that they'll probably share a room right now anyway. They don't appear to be on the best of terms. Holly believes you're dead and thinks Coal is wasting time trying to look for you. Their stress levels are obviously high, so instead of talking I think the situation is Holly yells and berates him whenever she can while Coal ignores his now paralyzed wife as much as he can get away with."
     "Mmm." I mumbled miserably.

It dashed my hopes for more than the obvious reason of learning how this tragedy was tearing my family apart to hear such news. Even now, even after sending out a message proudly taking the credit for the attack The Company remained unharmed. They used the downfalls of their previous existence to be reborn into something much more terrifying. The fact that they could still spy on my family like this without detection while the government and whatever allies they had supervised my family like hawks was reason alone to send chills down my spine.

     "Can't you just send me home already so you can ransom a good chance to go hide off in some beautiful foreign country where it'll be incredibly more difficult for anyone to catch you instead of all of us being stuck in this stupid house?" I wondered with an impatient sigh, standing up and moving closer Russet's way.
     "I would love to do that. I've suggested it many time to my superiors. But, Timber..."
     "But Timber," I repeated irritably, "You say you don't want to betray him or ruin his life, but how about your own life? I know you're as terrified of him as I am. You seriously want-"
     "He is my son, and I love him," Russet interrupted stalwartly, "I am here today because of my faults and my mistakes that stopped me from getting him help when it could have made a difference. He was an innocent little baby broken from the start with no choice in the matter, and I took advantage of that after forcing him to exist for selfish reasons. I care for you, Dia, and I wish I'd made smarter choices, but I will never pick you over him. If he wants to keep you here forever, if he wants to force himself on you every night, if he wants to make your life a living hell, then I will stand here and watch it happen until the day I die and reach hell myself."

He stuck his hands in the dishwater more fervently as his face went pale and his eyes misted again with tears. Russet refused to look at me, and I only wish his voice shook as his shoulders did. He hated this, but he wasn't lying. No matter how he did his best to be kind to me I had no allies in this place. I stood silent and still myself until Russet, searching for a distraction, diligently counted everything he'd brought with him.

     "Where's the knife?" he mumbled.

Realization hit him a split second before I panicked, took it from where I hid it in my pocket, and jabbed it into his back. I knew as soon as it split his skin that I shouldn't have been so bold. It was just the instant I realized I could take the knife without Russet noticing that my hand moved before I could stop myself. Of course he would realize it was missing, and of course he would find it on me. The better option was to have surrendered it peacefully, but Russet's words of saying he would do nothing while his son tormented and raped me didn't put him on my good side. The knife deserved to be in his back. I really had screwed it up though. No matter how loud Russet's cry of pain was, the blade barely went in before it otherwise scraped harmlessly against his hip bone. I'd hit nothing vital while at most he'd need a few stitches.

Russet hissed deeply when I pulled the blade out. He whipped around and shoved me hard before I could think to drive it back in. Not that I would have. The desire was certainly there, but the fact that I hadn't aimed higher hadn't been a mistake. The thought of killing even him rattled me as my now weak legs easily gave into the push. I landed on the floor with a thud and looked more like a frightened cat, I'm sure, than someone who'd just stabbed another person.

     "You're more determined than I thought," Russet groaned through the pain, hovering over me threateningly but not poised to attack, "Yet you're no killer. You're entire life you've worked in order to save people one day. But you know now you've done nothing other than cost yourself some of the little freedoms you have."
     "I know." I mumbled.

I hurriedly tilted the blade downwards as the blood winding its way on the handle nearly reached my fingers. The drop from the small spray of the impact on the back of my hand I madly wiped off. It smeared across the white tile floor, quickly morphing from red to a murky brown.

     "You should have at least waited until you had an opportunity on Timber."
     "You would have never let me keep this."
     "Of course not, but another chance might have come in the future. Now there's never going to be one. Give me the knife, Dianthus."

Russet held out his hand, and after a moment of silence my hand shook as I reached out to gently place the bloody object in his palm. He hurriedly wrapped it in a napkin, collected all the other objects he'd brought down, and turned back to offer me a hand up. I shook my head miserably and stared at the floor.

     "I'm not angry, and I don't blame you," Russet continued to speak through gritted teeth as the dark splotch on the back of his blazer grew, "I hope you never give up."

He sighed, closed his eyes to fight back another wave of pain, and stumbled to the bookshelf door with a strong limp.

Me, I remained stuck on the floor several minutes after Russet's departure. I then struggled to my feet with a wish to collapse onto the bed only to find myself parked over the bathroom toilet. The nausea hit me with a rolling fury that hardly gave me enough time to flush between gags. Flecks of my own bile flew back at my face, but with how often this happened now it made no difference. The rag I kept on the edge of the counter provided me with a chance to clean up on the few rare seconds of peace my stomach gave me. The only difference this time was the source of my sickness of stomach. It could be the pregnancy, but it could be the weight sinking in of what I'd done as well. The sensation of the blade cutting flesh certainly churned my abdomen with a queasying twist. I'd cut open starfish, frogs, and finally gotten to donated human organs in my more advanced classes, but this was unlike anything I'd ever dared to contemplate.

Such a state of misery washed over me I remained in the bathroom for an hour. A third of that time was due to the vomiting, but the rest was me sobbing uncontrollably torn between wanting to return to the mirror to seek my sister's comfort or wanting to rip all my hair out. I should've asked for a wig instead. Even if Russet remained willing to get me more dye, going from red to pink required much more work than pink to red.

When I finally emerged from hovering over the toilet, I returned to the plant corner. There wasn't any more work to be done with the vegetables, but I liked spending time here when I could. The lights meant to mimic sunlight worked their magic on me too. I really should have waited until Russet got me that fan he promised so I could close my eyes and pretend it was wind before running him out of the basement probably for forever. Instead, I had to make do with taking out another of his presents- a large sketchpad like Gilly used. As I picked up the pencil that'd been a battle to be given, I wondered how long I had before it was taken away. That was why I couldn't waste time. Drawing kept me peaceful and distracted now that the one who pushed me to do it before was gone. Falling asleep that very first night once Timber left determined to disbelieve what he told me of my siblings' deaths had been a temporary high point in my optimism. Then the next day I watched the news. Coverage of the attack on my family dominated the reports, which included the details of Gilly and Merlot's murders. The specifics didn't matter to me so much as it was the confirmation that they were truly dead. All reporters were kept far away from the cemetery on the day of the funeral, yet they'd gone in the days afterwards to get footage of the scenery. In that I got to see my parents and family sticking to the wish Gilly and I put forth of being buried together. The shared headstone contained her name, the dates of her birth and death, a favorite quote of hers spoken by Uncle Eden, and then on the right was my name and birth date before a blank line.

     "I really should have listened to you more. I've forgotten everything you taught me." I spoke quietly to myself and to Gilly as I focused harder on recreating the pot of flowers in front of me in a way that made it actually look like what I saw.

I stiffened at the sound of a dull thunk. The noise signaled the opening of the bookshelf. It slid to the side a second later, and it obviously wasn't going to be Russet. My heart sunk as soon as Timber stepped into view. The part of me that clung to my sanity reminded the frightened other half that pleaded to scream and go insane that Timber didn't feel. Of course he would come down here after learning I stabbed his father, yet in reality any supposed anger would be false. I was thankful then that he didn't bother to pretend when he stood over me.

     "That wasn't a very nice thing you did to dad." he spoke as if I'd only accidentally bumped into him or something.

Not that I relaxed in the slightest. I refused to be overwhelmed by Timber's actions against me, but even with the strongest of wills to remain completely unaffected was wishful thinking. I cringed when he sat down to lean his head on my shoulder only to decide that wasn't enough and cuddle us much closer together. Timber's legs locked around me while his arms trapped me where I was.

     "He wasn't being very nice to me." I mumbled back, glancing to the side.
     "He went out of his way to get you this stuff," Timber brushed my hair behind my ear and stared deeply into my eyes, "Any movement right now is dangerous for us, and he keeps sticking his neck out to make you happy."
     "To make himself happy. Russet's not doing it for me. He's doing it to make himself feel less guilty about all the blood and misery caused by his hands."
     "Well, that is probably true. If you think about it, every single choice a human can make is done out of selfishness. Even someone sacrificing their life by, like, jumping on a grenade or pushing a child out of the way of a car or whatever is born from their want to avoid the original outcome regardless of the desires of others."
     "You're so wise." I scoffed.
     "And you look very pretty like this," Timber smiled, running more of my hair through his fingers, "You actually could have fooled others if you tried this back before Gilly got buried six feet down."
     "Fuck off." I snapped, pushing him back and ignoring the twist of the hidden knife he constantly had in my chest as he leaned forward to kiss my check.
     "Nah," Timber protested lightheartedly with a shrug, "No matter the reason, you did stab my dad. I can't let you go unpunished."

I shoved him harder at his second attempt at a kiss. Pride struck me at how it took Timber aback for a brief second. I hadn't bothered to fight back much in the past as I knew the result was unavoidable, and that made it so Timber had no idea of how much I'd gotten stronger with all my dedicated workouts. The push not only kept him at bay, but he struggled momentarily to regain his hold. I managed to slip out a second time once he gripped me back with his still superior strength. The way I got out wasn't ideal though. After rolling my eyes, I let him kiss my neck. Whether caused by his touch or mere coincidental timing I felt my stomach lurch again.

     "Timber, wait." I said, wriggling pitifully.
     "No."
     "No, you don't understand. I'm going to throw up."

He paused for a second. Most likely searching out the lie. A lie that didn't exist given by how I shot up as soon as he let go, dashed across the room, and thrust my head over the sink. Timber slowly followed as I heaved and hacked. Not much came up considering the fit earlier emptied me of my lunch. Still, I stood shaking and sweating while I spat out the increase of saliva down the drain. The numbness quivering my muscles accepted against my wishes the soft and soothing touch of Timber holding back my hair and drawing circles on my back and neck until this fit calmed too.

     "You know, I overheard dad on one of his calls saying that he thought you might be pregnant."

The reach of his hand under my clothes to press his palm against the skin of the bulge could be called tender if I didn't know any better.

     "I guess it's true. I did wonder if this might be the result soon given that nothing's been done to prevent it. Must have happened that first or second time since you never opened the pads or tampons we got you."
     "Can you not spy on me so creepily?"
     "I was just checking to see if you needed more. Dad watches the cameras way more than I do. Watching you watch television or draw is boring."

More good information to know. What I really wanted to know though was who, if anyone, stayed at the house besides Russet and Timber. Their words hinted that others were frequently around, but past that I couldn't be sure of the situation upstairs. I'd even taken Timber's offer of exploring the smaller room past the bookshelf. He let me prod at the metal door with all its locks. I got nowhere. The idea to try again came to me as it was really the only viable option when Timber stole all thoughts out of my head upon suddenly picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. He seriously was too strong. Stupid rock climbing.

     "What are you doing?!" I balked, flailing around and kicking my legs.
     "I've decided that instead of punishing you we'll do it as celebration instead." he answered.

I struggled harder as he moved us towards the bedroom. He said that as if it would make any difference to me.

     "You're hurting me." I grumbled as his shoulder dug into my side.
     "It wouldn't hurt if you stopped moving."
     "This is the last thing I would ever want to 'celebrate.'"
     "I know you hate me, but don't hate the baby."
     "I don't," I barked, "I just don't want the baby to be subjected to you in any shape or form. You're right that you won't make a good dad. You'll make a horrible one."
     "Well, I guess I better shape up then."
     "Fuck you." I repeated more harshly, beating at his back.
     "Nope. I'm going to fuck you."

And there we ended up on the bed for what was going to be the seventh time. I sighed inwardly and tried as best I could to recall the numbness the drug caused. I wondered if I would even care about these moments if I could have it every time. If only my intent for choosing to have Timber have me then worked out. Letting him wait two days or simply a day for my benefit would have put him even closer to my time of ovulation, resulting in a higher chance of pregnancy. It'd gone ahead and happened anyway. There was clearly no avoiding it though given how Timber continued to come at me often enough without protection.

     "It really was just the coloring keeping you and Gilly fraternal. Seriously, I have to keep reminding myself that it's you and not her," he said as he prepped himself on top, "It'll certainly make this interesting. I'll be doing her at the same time I'm doing you."
     "I will kill you someday."
     "You had a chance to kill dad or at least hold him hostage, and you failed miserably."
     "If for some reason I can't do it, then I'm sure dad'll be glad to take my place." I snarled.
     "Amaranth would be your best bet. He's got the real training with weapons and has killed someone already."

I didn't say anything. Timber did this all the time. My family had a million secrets, especially Blaze and grandpa. Timber brought them out whenever they fit the conversation or he wished to change the conversation.

     "It was probably some nasty Company worker when he helped grandma escape for good. Buckeye had him on too short of a leash, and I doubt it was when he was a child during the original breakout." I guessed.
     "That brain of yours is still as sharp as ever. If only you would stop working under the delusion you'll ever be found or free."
    "You said it was possible yourself."
    "Technically, yes, it's possible. I also said that your chances are greatly reduced though, didn't I? The search the government is doing is pathetic. But that's enough about that."

I groaned, not bothering to keep the whining to my head. Timber proceeded with his grabbing and kissing, and it wasn't to focus on that why he said nothing further. It was to make sure I remained in the dark about the rescue efforts to find me. While I could gather some information from the news, any information released to the public was also the same as useless. The entire world wouldn't be let in on the details if they had any merit. My mind drifted to a separate report of some new museum being opened as a distraction when Timber went for loosening my clothes when my chest beat with hope when his phone buzzed, he read the text, and fake sighed.

     "Since dad is out of commission for the moment, I have to pick up some of the slack. Duty calls. We'll have to celebrate later."
     "Oh nooo." I mocked dryly.
     "Don't worry. I'll be back soon."

Timber left me with one more forced kiss.

As soon as he was behind the bookshelf, I flew into the bathroom. Not to throw up, but to remove the contacts. I could handle, for now, him having his way with me, but the thought of him tainting Gilly's memory through me was unbearable. I would never let my sister suffer like that- even through imagination. The purple contacts went in instead. Exhaling slowly letting the weight of Merlot's loss steady as it threatened to well up tears, I did my best to bring to mind Papa Al's laugh. I'd lost a lot, but so much warmth and love awaited me at home. You could believe I'd gather everyone in a big hug and hold them for eternity if I could. My chest swelled when I dared to let the warm imprint Arbor left on me relax my nerves. He remained locked tight inside me whenever Timber was in sight. Even more so when Timber had me. The beautiful night with Arbor was another thing I would never allow him to ruin by trying to pretend that monster was my boyfriend.

Timber returned later that afternoon to finish the celebration.  More days then dragged on. Russet stopped coming down, which left me both disappointed and relieved. Timber also came down less as he continued to pick up his father's work while he recovered. That was more of a blessing, but the sharp decrease of visits revealed exactly how I had too much time to fill by myself. I could only workout, draw, watch television, read, or play computer games for so long. My body begged for real sunlight as well. Several hours were spent screwing around with the bookshelf door doing whatever I could to get it to open, but it held fast. My next desperate plan switched to seeing if I could find a blind spot in the camera's views in order for me to dig through a wall. It was while I was doing laundry contemplating if using some of detergent or chemicals would break down the material faster like an acid when the thunk of the door signaled an impending presence.

Expecting Timber, I did a double-take before stepping back upon seeing an unfamiliar gray man enter the basement. What did his arrival mean? He didn't appear dangerous and offered me a smile, but Timber didn't look dangerous either and smiled all the time. The man approached slowly as I eyed him while making sure to stop several feet from where I stood.

     "Dianthus, correct?" he asked kindly.
     "Yes." I replied warily.
     "My name's Sterling Ash. Russet arranged for me to come here to examine you."
     "For what?" I snapped.

Was this Russet's own punishment? Was I to be a guinea pig for The Company's experiments? I nervously eyed the black bag Sterling brought with him that sat at his feet.

     "He...he said you were pregnant," Sterling revealed, now somewhat uncertainly, "Is that not true?"
     "Oh."

Right.

     "I'm pregnant," I continued, "That, or my body is somehow doing a marvelous job into tricking me that I am. You're an obstetrician-gynecologist then?"
     "I am, among several other doctorates I hold. It's my main field though."
     "And the bag is?"
     "It holds the tools I'll be using to examine you. Most of it's simple stuff like a speculum, gloves, stethoscope, blood pressure cuff, and so on. There's a few interesting things we've been working on in our department that I can show you if you like. Russet told me you wanted to be a doctor too. I brought our version of a portable ultrasound machine that has a monitor and can be powered through solar energy," Sterling took out the device excitedly, "We recently started sending them out to under-developed countries with great feedback so far, which is really what we designed them for."
     "Mmm." I mumbled noncommittally.

Sterling wasn't a threat. That was for sure. He spoke to me too casually and gushed merrily about the other portable machines in his bag that were created for the benefit of helping those in places where little help was available. His pride at being able to assist others, however, only shined his hypocrisy stronger. Sterling seemed liked a good guy. I'm sure he considered himself one. If I knew him out of this context, I would think him wonderful.

     "You know why I'm here, right?" I eventually wondered after we made it to the bedroom.

I laid on the bed as instructed, but as Sterling set his tools up I turned away from him and curled up.

     "Well...to an extent. Russet gave me a general overview of the regrettable decisions that led to you being held captive here past what the public was told."
     "Then can you stop talking so happily about all of this? I've lost my twin and little brother, the rest of my life is far beyond my reach, and I'm stuck here to be tormented by the one who forced this pregnancy on me. It's great that you're doing a lot of good with your normal work, but you're just another person complicit in my misery and my family's misery now."

Sterling stood silent for a good long moment before sighing. He joined me by slowly sitting on the side of the bed, and hesitated as Russet hesitated on placing a comforting hand on my leg after I didn't flinch away from him.

     "That is the truth. I am aware that not everything my employer does is for the benefit of others. I understand there is a long, painful, bloody history of where I have chosen to work and that by living each day with that knowledge that I am far from innocent. But...I would never be able to do as much good as I can if I wasn't with them. You would be here either way with or without me. All I can do is counteract the worst to the fullest extent of my abilities."
     "I don't hate you, and I don't know if I blame you. Honestly, you're not worth it to summon the energy for me to truly care one way or the other." I spoke softly and contemplatively.
     "You've been through a lot, and I'm sorry. I wish it wasn't so."
     "Thanks." I smiled weakly.

It was a pitiful smile really, but it was the most genuine one I'd given since my capture. Sterling wasn't innocent, as he said, but unlike with Russet and Timber I could actually relax around him. I thought nothing of him performing the examination despite the obvious intimacy, for lack of a better word, of the work. Heck, Sterling basically gave me a whole lesson using my own body as an example. It was as if I was in one of my college lectures again, leaving me feeling that I could turn around, walk out the door, and be on Berrybrook's familiar streets again. My new companion further brightened my mood by revealing he would be the one to keep coming throughout the case of the pregnancy. I had someone else to come and visit besides Timber. Unfortunately, Sterling then began asking terrifying questions.

     "Your family has a history of twins, correct?" he asked after the equipment was put away.
     "Yes, on both sides."
     "Can you tell me of all the ones you know about?"
     "I'm a twi...I was a twin myself. Gilly and I were fraternal. My mom and her sister are identical. My grandmother on my mother's side, Mama Lia, she has siblings who are identical twins as well. My uncle and aunt, Prism and Desire, are fraternal. My great-grandfather on my father's side was an identical twin to my great-great uncle, Blaze."
     "So quite a strong history of them, huh?"
     "Why are you asking?" I questioned slowly.

He hesitated.

     "Sterling." I prompted firmly.
     "You're having twins." he answered with a grimace.

A choking sob rattled up my throat. Seriously? Couldn't I have a break anywhere? No wonder the vomiting was so bad.

A numbness spread from my gut as my head dropped into my hands.

     "Can you tell what kind?" I wondered, trying to find a focus to stop the despair from growing further.
     "No. Each fetus has their own sac, which could mean they're fraternal. Or they could be identical twins who simply split early enough in the cycle. We have another chance at knowing when a few more weeks pass and I can determine their sex, but otherwise without more in-depth testing that I can't offer you in this place the answer is most guaranteed at birth."
     "Does there have to be a birth?" I asked shakily.

I slipped to sitting at the corner edge of the bed. The weight of my body was now unbearable while my mind bludgeoned itself. The babies were most likely Timber's. I knew that well. Still...there could be a chance they belonged to Arbor. How I would love for my children to be born of love instead of fear and dominance, but the whole thing would be worse if Arbor was actually the father. I hadn't dared speak any hint that he might be because I wasn't sure what Timber would do. His own children he had to at least treat decently. I imagined Russet would grow something of a backbone in regards to his grandchildren to stop anything horrible. Arbor's children, however...would they kill them? Would they hurt them? No matter what, I was sure Timber would use any children had to keep me in line.

     "Timber said abortion was out of the question except if the pregnancy endangers your life." Sterling all but confirmed it.
     "There might be a good chance of that. My mother had a horrible pregnancy with Gilly and me that had to be monitored closely because her doctor was worried about just that. She had several miscarriages after us, leaving her pregnancy with Merlot even more uncertain."
     "Is that true? I didn't know. I'll make sure to come down much more often than originally scheduled then."

With a sad smile in my direction, Sterling knelt before me when my head sunk further towards the ground.

     "I can't fix what's truly wrong here, but I'll do whatever I can to keep you and your children safe and happy. Your mother may have struggled, but there's nothing I've seen today that marks this pregnancy a risk. I'll order some medicine and other things down that will help with the nausea, and I'll leave you with a list of recommendations I have for you and your schedule. I know this is far from ideal and that you most likely have no desire for this pregnancy, but I don't want you to feel as if you'll be alone through it." he promised whole-heartedly.
     "Thanks," I sniffled, "That does help."

Sterling lingered as long as he could. There were many questions he could ask about my medical history as well as that of my mom's, and past that he took a look around my living space. He suggested less stressful forms of exercise while taking a stock of what I had available in the fridge. When he came down the following day for another check-up, something wholly unnecessary, he brought down two large grocery bags full of food and even a silicone fork. A sense of normalcy and relief took over when he stopped by for a visit every three days. Sterling did use the chances to monitor me and the pregnancy for problems, but most we just chatted. It took the passing of two more weeks before he revealed to me the greatest present he could give. There was a chance my pregnancy could take a turn for the worst, and as such Sterling wished to eliminate all potential causes of those problems. That included Timber sleeping with me. The explanation given to Timber had been more medically sound, but Sterling admitted to me he'd known this was the best way to stop the forceful sex. I cried as I'd been more likely to do now and hugged him.

Maybe I could indeed worry a little less with Sterling around. My rational thoughts nagged me that he likely wouldn't be allowed past when the children were born and stable, but that was an issue for the future. In the meantime, I searched out whatever positives I could find. Babies, especially two at once, were difficult and exhausting to take care of. Even Timber couldn't be indifferent to the stress they would create. It could be then that these children would in fact be the push to convince him to release me with them for ransom. And so, with the consistent bulge of my abdomen getting larger and larger I permitted myself some happiness at their coming.