The frigid air cut right through me, but I enjoyed every brush of its icy touch. My mind hadn't stopped spinning all night. Despite being calm and doing the right thing with Blaze, the endless questions bludgeoned around in my mind even though they had no place to be there. I kept imagining all the ways the situation could have gone wrong. I double-guessed every action or perceived wasted second. Heck, I even fretted about potential downfalls that were out of my control entirely. The big one my stupid mind played over and over again was imagining grandpa's car hitting a patch of ice and skidding off the road with all us inside. That's why I didn't mind the winter wind. It refreshed my body and caught those annoying thoughts without mercy.
It helped that everything was fine too. Blaze fell asleep last night stable and content as if nothing ever happened. Grandpa and I came again this morning for a nice, long visit. He remained inside, but I'd eventually been ushered on my way. A simple text to let Gilly know I was coming back then froze me in a way the wind never could.
I notice the time.
It's already eleven. Arbor's plane should have landed at eight, which meant he'd gotten home around nine. Three hours. He'd been back in Berrybrook for three hours. He was so close My fingers quivered as I scrolled down my message history. For whatever reason, I thought I'd seen his name near the top with words waiting to be read. His name, in fact, sat far down on the list with words he'd sent long ago that'd been read but never responded to. Hurriedly locking the screen, I pocketed my phone and moved on my way. What an ass I was. How could I be disappointed his first thought wasn't to get in touch with me?
My long breaths and gentle counting of numbers to sober myself by the time I returned home went poorly. Instead of Blaze, although he remained a strong concern, I couldn't focus on anything but all the ways I'd screwed up my relationship. Each flashed like a firework before my eyes. There was no excusing or rationalizing them away as they were reality. My feet resisted every step, I stood stuck outside my bedroom door, and the knob seared like molten metal against my skin when I did slowly turn it even as it remained cool as always.
"Oh, hey. How's everything going at the hospital?" Gilly asked when I shuffled inside.
"Fine. Blaze is all but back to normal. Wouldn't stop complaining about how bored he is."
"Sounds like he is good then," my sister nodded, gathering materials out of her desk, "So, I'm about to do some sketching. Wanna join? If I keep you drawing at your current rate, I'm sure you can fill that pad I got you within the next three years."
"I'll do my best," I replied with a weak smile, "But, I'm not in the mood right now. It was a long and stressful evening, and drawing isn't therapeutic for me the way it is for you."
"I know something that might make your life less stressful."
"I'm not talking to Arbor."
"Why do you assume that's what I was going to say?" Gilly questioned before shrugging, "I mean, it was what I was going to say, but..."
"He has to be exhausted after such a long flight, and his parents deserve his attention more than anyone else after barely seeing him for a year and a half," I came up with one of my million excuses, "In any case, I was going to take a walk."
"Sure. Where ya heading?" Gilly wondered without reproach, generously letting me off the hook.
"Just to the park."
"Alright. Let me know when you're heading back. I'll make some hot chocolate."
"Thanks."
I lingered for a bit to warm up, send a request to someone by way of a text, use the restroom, and do another chore, this time sweeping the kitchen before beginning my walk. My estimation of the timing was perfect as Rich and I arrived at the park from opposite sides simultaneously. He graced me with a warm and understanding smile.
"I think you'll have an uneventful day one day." he joked.
"I'd probably die from shock."
"Knowing you, I'm sure you'd find a way to nurse your own dead body back to life."
"Nah, I'll leave that up to you. Gotta steal the top student position from me somehow."
"I'm working on it," Rich chuckled before glancing me over, "In all seriousness, I hope you're doing alright. You said your uncle was better, but stuff like that is never easy."
"I've been stressing, but I'll get there. Blaze will be fine once they get him some new blood pressure medication."
"It was his blood pressure then?"
"Yeah. They gave him the kind he had due to its reliability, but, as it turned out, Blaze is a rare one where it does nothing for him. That's what led to the pressure going up despite him taking it dutifully just like he promised me he did. They're discussing which one to try next and giving him an extra night at the hospital just to guarantee no other problems will come from this."
"I'm sure it's relieving that they're being cautious. He's...how old?"
"Ninety," I grinned wryly, hating the number, "Blaze says his goal is to stay alive long enough in order to meet all the kids us kids will have, and for his age he's still in exceptionally good health."
"But health can change in an instant. There's no telling how much time he truly has left."
I nodded as Rich said the words my lips refused to speak. The ache of Aunt Deny's passing earlier in the fall served as a striking reminder of the one true reality of life. Death. Even grandpa was seventy-two now. Plenty old enough for other people to not be surprised if he died, although his health was near perfect too.
Grandpa had tried talking to me last night after Blaze fell asleep about how I felt. About the worry he knew I held in my chest. No matter how close we were, I could hardly speak anything of it. It was different with Rich. Of course it wasn't that I was closing my heart off to my family, but my classmates setting the same goals as myself, and Rich in particular, merely had the perspective to understand the pain of watching people fade while understanding the struggles jobs like ours entailed. The extra burden we sought to place upon our shoulders was too cumbersome to explain.
"We've barely got four months left. The semester will be over at the beginning of May," I spoke on a different subject as Rich and I began our circling around the park, "The next step will come. What will you and Branch be doing?"
"That Zenith Peak school you've talked about sounds utterly fascinating, but the more I looked into it the more I saw it was way too posh for me. And far away. And expensive as hell," Rich laughed, "Branch had no interest moving to Tinseltown either. We...we kinda used what we knew about you and Arbor as an example, and we came to the conclusion the stress would be too much for us too if I went and he stayed."
Rich was hesitant to admit that truth, but I smiled encouragingly. I only wished I'd had someone else's example to follow myself. He continued.
"In the end, we came to the most logical and most obvious, and probably boring, decision. We're already enrolled at Twilight North, which is a great school for both of our needs. There's no reason to try our luck elsewhere. We'll be heading north to continue our degrees on the main campus."
"Whether or not it's a boring decision is debatable, but I don't think that would ever stop it from being the best decision. I think we mighty ones keep forgetting just exactly how elite Twilight North is considered in its own right." I pointed out with a wide grin.
"True. Very true indeed." Rich agreed merrily.
The conversation after that proved lighthearted and joyful. We chatted of the exciting days awaiting us in our future and of the more pleasant happenings going on within our families. Then, on our seventh or so lap around the park, my mask started to slip as we ran out of things to talk about. I'd asked Rich to meet me because I needed his supportive, unbiased insight on what plagued me. It naturally wasn't just Blaze's scare stressing me out. The highly perceptive Rich smoothly caught on when we took a break on a bench and my expression fell slightly.
"Has Arbor made it home yet?" he asked, inviting me to talk if I wanted.
"Yeah. His flight got in hours ago." I responded.
I failed spectacularly in acting as if I was indifferent on the matter.
"Have you heard from him?" Rich easily plunged down the right path.
"I..." I gulped, my head lowering more, "...no."
"You know, like the only boyfriend you've ever had is Arbor, the only boyfriend I've ever had is Branch. When we started the relationship I never thought much of the long-term. We were young. Just testing the waters. Still certainly are. But, as the years have gone by there's this fear that's settled in. I love him too damn much. I've gone from expecting us to fall apart one day as most first-time couples do to putting him in every aspect of my future when I imagine it. The fear that we could break remains though, and I can only think it would be my fault. Branch is far more patient. He's also incredibly less stubborn and calm when stressed. Too many times when he forgives me without hesitation after we fight that I think he's lying. How can he keep giving me so many chances? That's me though. Me and my ridiculous mind that goes for the worst when I think I've failed. The one that beats itself up as motivation to try and combat such a thing from happening again. I think you can relate to that."
I laughed softly.
"There's been a lot of cases with Branch where I do something, think he's mad at me, and then go on to find out he didn't even notice whatever I'd done that he should supposedly be angry about. Little things that I can't help but see like a flash grenade while he more properly accepts them as the ups and downs of life and love. I freak out the entire day hating myself and planning all the ways I might convince him to still want me while he's going about his merry way none the wiser," Rich chuckled, "Dia, I don't know the true details of your split. I don't know Arbor. I don't believe you've even shown me a picture of him. I do, however, know your sister. I know Apple. From what I gathered yesterday, they genuinely believe in him. They believe that despite what anger could be there that he does love you and will forgive you for whatever you might have done. I stand on their side. Sometimes...a long flight is just a long flight. Maybe Arbor collapsed onto his bed and won't wake until tomorrow morning. Or maybe he wants to give you more than a few hours after his return to collect yourself and your feelings before he springs himself on you again. I can tell despite your reservations that you continue to care for him greatly. If you deemed him worthy before to place your faith in him, then I say give him a little more faith now. Take it from my experience...don't beat yourself up when he just wants to see you smile."
A tightening throat halted my response. Relief and understanding flooded my mind to fight for dominance, and the result left me clutching onto my friend blinking back tears. Worse than how I ignored Arbor, I had stopped having faith. I tossed aside who he was, who he was working so hard to be to fulfill a delusion in my head that wasn't the truth.
"Thank you, Rich." I finally croaked out.
"Anytime." he replied kindly, resting his head against mine.
I remained clutched to him for a moment more. Rich was warm, but his comfort keeping my heart from freezing was too good to simply let go. He didn't mind. Rich merely pat my head, pushed our talking onto other topics to brighten the atmosphere, and offered to get us drinks when I'd collected myself. Gilly's promise of hot chocolate didn't return to my brain until Rich and I separated to head home. Though feeling a little bad, I'm sure my sister wouldn't mind too much. I also didn't send her a heads-up of my arrival. Letting her know I was at least more willing than before to talk of Arbor would certainly be a good surprise to reveal. If only I'd known that Gilly had something in store for me at the park. A plan of her own that worked terribly against the plan I'd made for myself.
"You look to be in a good mood now." she noted cheerfully as I met her in the upstairs hallway.
She said nothing of the text I should have sent or hot chocolate.
"Yeah, going to the park really helped me sort my head out. Not that everything's fixed, but a lot of my stubbornness has been beaten back." I replied with a quiet laugh.
Though that smile I wore soon dropped when Gilly looked at me expectantly. Far too expectantly. As if she was waiting for me to announce I was getting married or something.
"Something up?" I asked.
"Oh, I was..." she started slowly, confusion taking hold on her lightly as well, "Just wondering if that was all you had to say about your trip to the park."
"What else are you looking for me to say? I mean, I was going to tell you that Rich helped me sort through a large reason of why I was keeping Arbor away."
"Rich?"
"Yeah, Rich. I asked him to meet up with me," I revealed, "Why?"
Gilly snatched my hand before I could blink to hurry us into our bedroom. More confused than ever at her worried expression, that was when she told me of what she'd done.
"I thought you were with Arbor this whole time."
"Why in the world would you think that?"
"Because I texted him to go meet you when you told me where you were going. That way you could sort everything out. I had no idea you weren't going alone." Gilly spoke quickly.
Her phone was in her hand in a flash, and a call was going through before I could process who exactly my sister meant to contact. She grabbed my arm to halt me when I took a tentative step back and held up a finger to hush me.
"Don't go anywhere. Don't say anything. Just listen. I'll try to sort this out." she commanded.
The other person picked up as soon as she did. She had him on speakerphone.
"Hey, Gil."
My body froze again, taken over by an warring surge of ice and flames. That was his voice, but it wasn't his voice. Deeper and more mature with plenty of familiarity to send every nerve on edge, I couldn't move or speak even if Gilly hadn't placed those requirements on me.
"Hey, Arbor," Gilly spoke deceptively innocent as she started her lies, "Dia just got home. She hasn't said anything about meeting with you though. Did you not go to the park?"
"No, I...I did..."
Distraught. Heartbroken. Those emotions claimed him for their own, and hearing them take control seared my core.
"I went, but I never made it to the actual park. I watched from the lot across the street. Dia was with someone else." Arbor trudged on miserably.
"Oh? Who? She didn't say anything about meeting with someone." Gilly pressed him.
"I don't know. Never seen him before. But...but they seemed pretty friendly. They walked around the park talking and having a good time. They spoke about something more serious after they took a seat on a bench. I was too far away to hear, of course. Then...well, Gil...Dia got quite cuddly with him. Clinging onto his arm, putting her head on his shoulder, and he did much of the same. I guess seeing them together makes Dia avoiding me make much more sense."
His voice trailed off. It wasn't hard imagining his head hanging low. My hands quivered as I shook my head furiously at my sister. Rich and I weren't anything like what Arbor imagined. Gilly just smiled at me. She knew. Of course she knew.
"That's really strange. Tell me more about this guy." she requested.
"Solid. A goldish yellow. Um-"
"Slightly longer wavy hair and with a beard?"
"Yeah."
"Well, buddy, I don't know how to break this to you," Gilly played her amused laugh of relief perfectly, "But what you think you saw is totally wrong. That's Rich Coin, one of Dia's friends from her college classes. You know, I haven't told you yet but Blaze had a bit of an episode last night. His blood pressure medicine wasn't working as it should, so grandpa and Dia had to take him to the hospital. He's fine, but you know how Dia gets with these things. She was super stressed. Rich is one of the ones she goes right to for comfort since going for the same kind of work as her means he gets her worries. I'm sure that's all that was going on at the park."
"Oh," Arbor realized quietly, his relief loosening the tension in my own muscles, "Are...are you really sure?"
"I'm more than sure," Gilly laughed louder, "I can say that because Rich is already with someone else. Branch. A guy. Because he's super gay."
"Oh," Arbor laughed too, and my heart soared, "I suppose that was my bad then.
"It's fine. Just glad we got that sorted out- because I have another idea," Gilly declared boldly, "Dia's in a good mood now, and there's no random guys at the house to give you the wrong impression. Come over. We'll finally put all this nonsense she's been doing to rest."
I held my breath waiting for the moment to confirm my lingering fears. To hear irritation or frustration or rejection in his voice as he refused. To hear him admit it as a lost cause. Arbor only spoke determinedly without missing a beat.
"Sure. I'll be over soon."
The two talked for a moment more over other matters like how Arbor's parents were having him home and how his flights had been. I still couldn't move due to being afraid to making any noise and ruining the illusion Gilly spun to set the situation straight. However, I didn't want to move. I was fascinated with the conversation. It was plain and basic, but it showed me something I hadn't considered before. Gilly knew how Arbor felt because, unlike me, she'd never stopped talking to him. All those months of my silence they continued on as good friend. Friends. Gilly playfully bantered with Arbor, and he bounced it right back. I remembered back when my sister sent him death glares after he was the one to break my heart, and the change from then to now nearly made me laugh. The amusing thought prevented me from bolting when the minutes passed and Arbor suddenly arrived at our doorstep. Gilly thankfully volunteered to answer the door.
And in he walked.
Like his voice, he was different. Arbor stood taller, more filled out with shoulders back and confident. His face was longer, and he'd definitely gone up a shoe size. What I noticed more than any of that though was his brightness. Not a physical brightness, not one of light- Arbor walked without burdens on his back. A thrill and joy for living he'd held flickers of before blossomed with his smile and searching gaze as we came into view.
"Hey, good job! You made it home without your plane burning and crashing!" Gilly cheered to ensure no awkward silence could creep forward.
"I don't think I had any say in the matter, but thanks!" he replied enthusiastically.
Their hands meet for a resounding high-five.
Against everything I assumed when I thought of this moment, I had little issue grinning and chuckling along. Make no mistake that I felt like an outsider even as everything around me was familiar. However, my desire to run was fading. Well, my desire to run away. My whole body urged me to throw myself at Arbor and his arms, which was a huge portion of why I'd been afraid to meet him. I did still love him.
"You survived the screaming babies. There's always at least one of those type of flights." I joined with.
I made my eyes meet Arbor's without resistance, and I'm glad I did. I caught even more relief sinking into his chest as well as how his face crinkled when he smiled.
"There was one. Nothing compared to the screaming adults though. Biggest bunch of spoiled complainers there ever was. I was just glad I'd long since bought some great noise-canceling headphones."
"I don't know. You weren't there the one time when Merlot refused to get out of bed and then realized when he finally came downstairs that Gil and I'd eaten his portion of the bacon."
"Oh my god, I forgot about that," Gilly recalled, "You'd think we'd set all of his things on fire."
"It's never nice to mess with a man's bacon." Arbor joked.
"That's not the only teenage temper tantrum he's had. Come on. Let's sit down and we'll get you all caught up on the tales." Gilly motioned to the living room with her offer.
"Sure." Arbor agreed brightly.
Naturally, Gilly still had a goal past entertaining her returned friend. Arbor and I had no choice but to sit next to the other on the couch when my sister volunteered to take care of the treats. Out came that hot chocolate she promised and some leftover candy canes. I drank my drink despite my full belly from the cider I'd had with Rich and delighted in the ease of conversation. There was too much to talk about to give any stagnant tension rise up. Anxiousness still crawled under my skin regardless given that we all ignored the serious topics that would have to be addressed eventually, but if Arbor was going to hate and rebuke me as he'd done in my nightmares he wouldn't sit and laugh as he did. He wasn't like that, even when I first met him.
"Wait, what?" Gilly questioned to herself in confusion.
She pulled out her phone again. This time it was going off due to an alarm.
"Why did I set my class alarm? I went to my Friday session last week." she continued, turning it off.
"Um, Gil," I glanced up, "You have class this Friday too, remember? Your instructor's out next week."
"Oh," she whispered as a realization hit her, "Shit."
She began a mad flurry gathering her things.
"It's a good thing I convinced you to set that alarm in your calendar so early. I was wondering why you hadn't left yet. Maybe next time set it so it gives you more time to get ready?" I prompted.
"It'll be fine!" Gilly pouted even as she flew up the stairs to change.
Arbor and I barely had time to chuckle and finish off our drinks before she was back down in more proper attire with a bag over her back. The door slammed behind her as she rushed into the car.
Within seconds of Gilly's departure down the road, the atmosphere shifted.
"It's a good thing I'll still be living with her after we move. She's never changed." I resumed talking to fill up the silent reality lurking around me and my companion.
Without my sister, the opportunity was there. No one else was home. They were either at work, school, or the hospital. Arbor and I could freely discuss what'd happened between us. The question of whether we wanted to or not prevented it for the moment. I certainly had no idea to jump into that conversation, and by how Arbor shifted he didn't have any ideas either.
"Anyway, I've heard about your flight. Tell me how your first day home has been so far."
My simple request led us down that complicated path regardless.
"It's been good. I got plenty of sleep before my grandparents drove me to the airport, and then I got plenty more on the plane. I'm sure the jet lag with hit eventually though. Mom and dad are, of course, excited to have me home. Couldn't get out of my mom's arms for the first hour," he chuckled fondly, "We spent all morning together. Then I got-"
Arbor quickly cut himself off. He'd forgotten that I didn't know of Gilly's first attempt to get us together, and I'd forgotten that he didn't know that I knew everything. He lied as he tossed out his explanation of my sister's original text.
"I went outside for a walk. Wanted to see the area again and what's changed."
"It's a day for walks then. I went for one too," I absentmindedly rubbed my knees, my logical mind deciding to take the plunge into the deep end before my fears could convince me otherwise, "If I'd known, we could have met up."
"Uh, yeah."
Upon giving him a look, Arbor fidgeted and fussed in embarrassment. We both knew how he looked and sounded when he lied, and he knew I caught him in one. I giggled and put him out of his misery.
"Sorry, Arbor. To tell you the truth, Gilly explained what she'd tried to do. How she sent you to the park and how you got the wrong impression with Rich and me."
"Oh." Arbor nodded, still embarrassed but relieved yet again.
"She was wrong with what we were talking about on the bench though. We weren't talking about Blaze. We were talking about you. Rich was helping me see how my fears about my mistakes these past months with our relationship were not only wrong but doing a lot of disservice to you."
Oh god, I was really doing this. Panicking, I stood up at first reaching for the tray with the empty cups to take them to the sink. My hand hardly brushed the thing before I wiped my sweaty palms off onto my skirt and clenching my fists. That was running away. I wasn't doing that anymore. Arbor deserved that much courtesy. My breath staggered when he stood. He moved so close I could feel his heat, and when we locked eyes again I was gone. I slipped into his embrace, burying myself in every nook or cranny I could find. Arbor took me in willingly.
"How are you not angry?"
My question quivered as it fell from my shaking lips to his neck. Arbor's arms wrapped around me tighter.
"I was. Incredibly so. I was pissed, hurt, and lonely. I spent too many hours staring at my phone making my eyes go dry waiting for a call. A text. Something that would never come," he sighed, but not bitterly, "I threw my anger away though. I'd spent eight years carrying it in my chest, and I wasn't going to let it take hold over something I knew wasn't lost. I haven't known you as long as the rest of your friends, but I still know you, Dia. You beat yourself up too much. It wasn't that you didn't like me or didn't even want to be friends, but because you were ashamed of yourself. You felt weak, and that was a spiral that just kept going."
My eyes flickered downward in my own embarrassment, which caused Arbor to chuckle and run his fingers lazily through my hair.
"Gilly wouldn't let me think wrongly either. She kept sticking up for you, pleading your case. I finally got her to calm and accept that I wasn't going to give up so easily. You showed me worlds of patience when I gave you no reason to believe in me. It only made sense for me to show you the same patience. To trust in the person I knew lay beneath the pain, fear, and worries."
Linking my lashes tightly, I inhaled deeply and let it out slowly and silently. Arbor was too calming. Too kind. Too in love with me, and I too in love with him. Getting to lean against him and feel as if nothing was wrong drugged me intoxicatingly.
I had to step back. Madness would take hold soon if I didn't collect myself. I would say something silly like we should get back together right there or then. Certain matters made that impossible. I would give anything to return to our simple high school days, but my eyes searched out the tray and discarded candy wrappers. My hands itched towards them, but I hesitated.
"Let's clean up a bit." Arbor caught my dilemma.
He gave me the tray and gathered the wrappers for himself. The moment of distraction granted me enough peace to search out the words in my mind. The ones it killed me to say but couldn't be ignored.
"Arbor, I'm sorry," I began tentatively, "I don't have a clue as to state how right you are in everything and how wrong I was to ignore you, even if you came to forgive me. You understand a lot, but there's a certain worry about our relationship that I don't know if anyone, even you, considered when it came to how difficult it was for me to keep reaching out."
"What are you worried about?" he pressed gently.
"That even though you've come back, I...I might not be able to handle dating. Sure you're a lot closer, but that doesn't make me any less busy. I'm rarely free. The times I am I study or sleep. I've gotten lucky this semester to have most of my Friday off, and it's been my saving grace in staying sane. I...I don't want you to promise you something just to ruin it again."
His hands were instantly in mine. He wouldn't let me break free, and I didn't want to.
"Funnily enough, I considered something like that. Maybe not that exactly, but I didn't arrive home today expecting for everything to be perfect. I naturally weren't sure how receptive you'd be to my presence. I clearly even though you were capable of moving on from me, as my assumption Rich showed us. It's fine if you don't want to date right now. It's fine if you need time. I-I suppose all I want to hear is if there's still a chance. I don't need much. Just that."
"I..."
Unsure if I could give him that small of a simple answer, I hesitated. I'd have time in the summer as Zenith Peak wouldn't let me start any classes until the fall, but then the same problem as before popped up. I'd be far away from home this time while Arbor remained. My classes would get worse, and I'd been in Tinseltown for far longer than a year and a half. Instinct pushed me to deny him right here for now and forever, but just his thumb running kindly over the top of my hand alone stopped such nonsense. I couldn't deny Arbor. There had to be some way for us to try no matter how much I rank blank on the options.
"T-There's a chance." I promised.
Arbor embraced me as a happy child embraces his parents after receiving a present. More instincts nearly had my lips connecting with his, but I slipped back before he caught onto my impulse. Maybe he would have been smart too and stepped away, but my chest saddened wishing he would have noticed to kiss me as he'd kissed me before. I was also taken aback by what he said next.
"It's good to hear that. I have something I want to say myself, and I hope you'll understand why I say it the way I do," Arbor warned with a impish grin, "Dia, stop being so impossibly self-centered. You didn't ruin anything the first time around. You're doing something difficult, and you made a wise choice in order to keep yourself happy and content. Yes, you made a poor decision after that, but I get a say in how 'broken' our relationship was as well. I said I was pissed, but my world doesn't revolve around you. There were a lot of days I hardly thought about you, in fact. I was off having fun with my grandparents exploring the world and seeing new sights. I did try to tell you that and a lot of what I said earlier in my texts. Of how I only wanted you to relax and live as best you could, because that's what I was doing. I don't know how many of those texts you saw though."
I laughed. Rich's words floated back to me with that ringing truth. I had indeed been beating myself up when Arbor just wanted me to smile. All I'd done was focus on myself and my version of events.
"I get you," I nodded, and my amusement was shared, "And I'm glad you said that."
"I-"
The sound of a door opening stopped Arbor's response. Glancing over to the clock thinking it too early for anyone to return home, I realized it was the exactly moment mom usually returned. The hours were going by. Any chance to notify her of our visitor vanished in that brief moment as she stepped right around the corner. Her eyes went wide and her smile wider.
"Arbor, so good to see you." she greeted, beaming.
"You too, Mrs. Vivid."
"Ahh, none of that now. You're an adult, so you can go ahead and call me Holly."
"I don't know," he chuckled, "That feels a little weird."
"Humor her. It makes her feel less old." I prodded in a fake whisper.
"At least I'm not as bad as your father." mom couldn't argue.
"That sounds like there's some stories behind that." Arbor guessed correctly.
"My boy, let me spin you a tale." mom began grandly.
Mom ushered us to the table and took out treats to begin recounting humorous accounts of dad's increasing theatrics now that he'd more than firmly reached middle-age. It started with his dramatics yesterday and went back as far the time he flushed mom's anti-wrinkle cream in the garbage so she wouldn't see what he was using when she caught him in their bathroom with it. I made sure to puncture the conversation with stories mom found embarrassing to equal out the treatment, which mom took in stride. Against all I'd thought yesterday, having Arbor around again was an absolute delight. Mom thought back to find another good story to tell when the front door opened and closed. Soft but hurried footsteps scurried to the stairs.
"Merl?" mom called.
"Yeah, it's me. Hi." he called from the other side of the wall.
I was already up and walking in his direction. I had another bone to pick with him, but at the sound of my approach he scampered off with extra haste.
"I need to talk to you!" I called after my brother, but all I caught was the sight of his feet upstairs on a mad dash to his room.
"I'll be right down! Promise!"
I frowned, but wasn't in the mood to pursue.
He actually kept his word and returned before long too in any case. He paused as mom did at the sight of our guest.
"Oh, hey, Arbor."
"Hey, Merlot. You've grown quite a lot since I've last seen you."
"Hormones will do that to you." my brother grinned.
"Still getting hit with a bit of them myself. It'll be nice when I stop having to buy new clothes so often."
"I can't wait for that day either." mom joined in, glancing at Merlot.
"Not my fault," he shrugged along with the teasing, "Anyway, what did you need, Dia?"
"For you stop leaving your clothes in the washer. I went to do my load earlier, and yours were still in there. They smelled horrible."
"My bad. I'll remember next time." he apologized so genuinely I couldn't berate him more like normal.
Besides, an important email I'd been waiting for all day buzzed my phone. I looked at it to confirm it was what I thought while Merlot kept talking.
"I'm going to go do all my homework right now," he announced to mom proudly, "There's a campaign on Realm of Fantasy my friends want to play tonight, so I'll make sure to have my work done in order to stay up late like you require."
"Sounds good." mom nodded.
"Also, I know it's a little random, but there's something I want to ask you for as well."
"Okay, I should have seen that coming. What is it?"
"One of those big wardrobes like Gil and Dia used to have."
"Definitely did not see that coming. Why do you want one of those?"
"Storage," Merlot replied with the obvious answer, "I have like no space in my room to put anything, and I don't think tearing down part of the bathroom to make room for a closet would be something you'd be up for."
"No, not really," mom agreed, "I don't see a reason to say no. Just stay more on top of your chores, and we can go pick out something from one of the furniture stores tomorrow."
"I will, promise! Thank you!"
He bent over, placed a kiss on her cheek, and zoomed back up the stairs. Mom watched him leave and then shook her head.
"It's a weird day." she laughed.
"And a lucky one. Frosted cancelled my night class due to the impending storm. He's the professor of my only classes today." I added the last sentence for Arbor's benefit.
"Nice. You and Arbor will have plenty of time to spend together then." mom teased harder.
"Mom." I rebuked, but I laughed.
Arbor laughed too.
If she had her way, Arbor would be staying the night for a sleepover. The storm that cancelled my class begin to roll in though, and Mr. and Mrs. Thicket requested their son home too. I thought it strange they allowed him so much time away, but I figured they were good to let him be out of their grasp for one afternoon more if it meant making up with me.
"So," Arbor began suspiciously as we walked towards his house, "There were these girls..."
"Uh-huh." I quirked an eyebrow.
"People were a lot less bothered with my tattoos over there, so more people were prone to come up and ask about them. Grandpa, grandma, and I were at this really fancy hotel. Lots of rich people. These two girls, they picked their bikinis well. They were sisters or cousins or something. They just couldn't get enough of me."
"Are you trying to make me jealous?" I burst into laughter at his exaggerated tone.
"I told them I was taken, of course. We were on our break by then, but when someone's just so attracted to you it's the only thing to say when they won't leave you alone."
"Oh my god."
I couldn't even mock being annoyed through my giggles. What a dork. The story was either made up or highly exaggerated, and jealousy was the farthest emotion from what bounced around in my chest. All I could remember was what I'd seen when Arbor walked into our house earlier. He'd never been this open, carefree, and jovial even in those better months before he left. Arbor had rediscovered his true self in the past year and a half.
"There has to be a smidge of jealousy in you somewhere." he prodded with the biggest, goofiest grin I'd ever seen.
"Nope." I answered mischievously but honestly.
"Really?"
"Yup."
"Well, I was jealous seeing you with Rich before I knew the truth."
He spoke it in the same bantering manner, but his words weren't a lie.
"Really?" I questioned now.
"Yeah."
I wondered if this had been his actual plan- to get on this topic to lure me closer. He wasn't stung by the temporary envy enough for it to actually hurt, but I placed my hand in his comfortingly and matched our steps. I didn't mind either way.
"You're far better."
"Well, thank you." Arbor beamed.
The snow came down harder as we approached the familiar yet unfamiliar house. I'd avoided it and the Thickets as I'd avoided Arbor. My steps slowed in guilt, but Arbor kept our grasp tight to lead me on.
"They're not angry either." he assured gently.
I merely nodded. An exceptionally furious wind slammed into us when we reached the overhang covering the space before his front door.
"You sure you don't want me to drive you home?" Arbor asked.
"What would be the point in that when I just walked you home?"
"More time with you."
"Oh my god." I repeated.
That's when it hit me that we'd begun a battle. Arbor said he didn't need for us to date again right now, but nothing had been said about him not coercing me towards the path faster. I hadn't told him I didn't want his adorable flirtations, and I wished I'd done so. They were far too good, and there was no stopping them now. All it took was Arbor winking after my response to crumble without mercy half of the weakening wall I held up.
"You're impossible. I hope you're happy." I scoffed with the corners of my mouth creeping upwards.
Arbor cocked his head to the side curiously. That gentle wondering on his expression vanished the instant I pulled him closer and placed a hand against his cheek. His lips were on mine as fast as mine dug into his. If any of my wall remained after the deepening touch scalded me to the point where I no longer felt the cold then it was nothing more than rubble. I struggled to breath when I surfaced while my cheeks burned harder upon catching Mr. and Mrs. Thicket watching eagerly but as stealthily as they could from inside.
"I'm very happy." Arbor's eyes glittered.
"I'll see you tomorrow?" I spoke before his victory was crushing.
"See you tomorrow." he nodded vigorously.
Unable to stop myself, I placed another kiss on his lips. Arbor left me with one more overwhelming merrily smile before I turned on my heel to walk home before he did go ahead and convince me to let him drive me. I was fine getting back despite the building storm. With the heat in my chest, the wind and snow were nothing.
"Oh, hey. How's everything going at the hospital?" Gilly asked when I shuffled inside.
"Fine. Blaze is all but back to normal. Wouldn't stop complaining about how bored he is."
"Sounds like he is good then," my sister nodded, gathering materials out of her desk, "So, I'm about to do some sketching. Wanna join? If I keep you drawing at your current rate, I'm sure you can fill that pad I got you within the next three years."
"I'll do my best," I replied with a weak smile, "But, I'm not in the mood right now. It was a long and stressful evening, and drawing isn't therapeutic for me the way it is for you."
"I know something that might make your life less stressful."
"I'm not talking to Arbor."
"Why do you assume that's what I was going to say?" Gilly questioned before shrugging, "I mean, it was what I was going to say, but..."
"He has to be exhausted after such a long flight, and his parents deserve his attention more than anyone else after barely seeing him for a year and a half," I came up with one of my million excuses, "In any case, I was going to take a walk."
"Sure. Where ya heading?" Gilly wondered without reproach, generously letting me off the hook.
"Just to the park."
"Alright. Let me know when you're heading back. I'll make some hot chocolate."
"Thanks."
I lingered for a bit to warm up, send a request to someone by way of a text, use the restroom, and do another chore, this time sweeping the kitchen before beginning my walk. My estimation of the timing was perfect as Rich and I arrived at the park from opposite sides simultaneously. He graced me with a warm and understanding smile.
"I think you'll have an uneventful day one day." he joked.
"I'd probably die from shock."
"Knowing you, I'm sure you'd find a way to nurse your own dead body back to life."
"Nah, I'll leave that up to you. Gotta steal the top student position from me somehow."
"I'm working on it," Rich chuckled before glancing me over, "In all seriousness, I hope you're doing alright. You said your uncle was better, but stuff like that is never easy."
"I've been stressing, but I'll get there. Blaze will be fine once they get him some new blood pressure medication."
"It was his blood pressure then?"
"Yeah. They gave him the kind he had due to its reliability, but, as it turned out, Blaze is a rare one where it does nothing for him. That's what led to the pressure going up despite him taking it dutifully just like he promised me he did. They're discussing which one to try next and giving him an extra night at the hospital just to guarantee no other problems will come from this."
"I'm sure it's relieving that they're being cautious. He's...how old?"
"Ninety," I grinned wryly, hating the number, "Blaze says his goal is to stay alive long enough in order to meet all the kids us kids will have, and for his age he's still in exceptionally good health."
"But health can change in an instant. There's no telling how much time he truly has left."
I nodded as Rich said the words my lips refused to speak. The ache of Aunt Deny's passing earlier in the fall served as a striking reminder of the one true reality of life. Death. Even grandpa was seventy-two now. Plenty old enough for other people to not be surprised if he died, although his health was near perfect too.
Grandpa had tried talking to me last night after Blaze fell asleep about how I felt. About the worry he knew I held in my chest. No matter how close we were, I could hardly speak anything of it. It was different with Rich. Of course it wasn't that I was closing my heart off to my family, but my classmates setting the same goals as myself, and Rich in particular, merely had the perspective to understand the pain of watching people fade while understanding the struggles jobs like ours entailed. The extra burden we sought to place upon our shoulders was too cumbersome to explain.
"We've barely got four months left. The semester will be over at the beginning of May," I spoke on a different subject as Rich and I began our circling around the park, "The next step will come. What will you and Branch be doing?"
"That Zenith Peak school you've talked about sounds utterly fascinating, but the more I looked into it the more I saw it was way too posh for me. And far away. And expensive as hell," Rich laughed, "Branch had no interest moving to Tinseltown either. We...we kinda used what we knew about you and Arbor as an example, and we came to the conclusion the stress would be too much for us too if I went and he stayed."
Rich was hesitant to admit that truth, but I smiled encouragingly. I only wished I'd had someone else's example to follow myself. He continued.
"In the end, we came to the most logical and most obvious, and probably boring, decision. We're already enrolled at Twilight North, which is a great school for both of our needs. There's no reason to try our luck elsewhere. We'll be heading north to continue our degrees on the main campus."
"Whether or not it's a boring decision is debatable, but I don't think that would ever stop it from being the best decision. I think we mighty ones keep forgetting just exactly how elite Twilight North is considered in its own right." I pointed out with a wide grin.
"True. Very true indeed." Rich agreed merrily.
The conversation after that proved lighthearted and joyful. We chatted of the exciting days awaiting us in our future and of the more pleasant happenings going on within our families. Then, on our seventh or so lap around the park, my mask started to slip as we ran out of things to talk about. I'd asked Rich to meet me because I needed his supportive, unbiased insight on what plagued me. It naturally wasn't just Blaze's scare stressing me out. The highly perceptive Rich smoothly caught on when we took a break on a bench and my expression fell slightly.
"Has Arbor made it home yet?" he asked, inviting me to talk if I wanted.
"Yeah. His flight got in hours ago." I responded.
I failed spectacularly in acting as if I was indifferent on the matter.
"Have you heard from him?" Rich easily plunged down the right path.
"I..." I gulped, my head lowering more, "...no."
"You know, like the only boyfriend you've ever had is Arbor, the only boyfriend I've ever had is Branch. When we started the relationship I never thought much of the long-term. We were young. Just testing the waters. Still certainly are. But, as the years have gone by there's this fear that's settled in. I love him too damn much. I've gone from expecting us to fall apart one day as most first-time couples do to putting him in every aspect of my future when I imagine it. The fear that we could break remains though, and I can only think it would be my fault. Branch is far more patient. He's also incredibly less stubborn and calm when stressed. Too many times when he forgives me without hesitation after we fight that I think he's lying. How can he keep giving me so many chances? That's me though. Me and my ridiculous mind that goes for the worst when I think I've failed. The one that beats itself up as motivation to try and combat such a thing from happening again. I think you can relate to that."
I laughed softly.
"There's been a lot of cases with Branch where I do something, think he's mad at me, and then go on to find out he didn't even notice whatever I'd done that he should supposedly be angry about. Little things that I can't help but see like a flash grenade while he more properly accepts them as the ups and downs of life and love. I freak out the entire day hating myself and planning all the ways I might convince him to still want me while he's going about his merry way none the wiser," Rich chuckled, "Dia, I don't know the true details of your split. I don't know Arbor. I don't believe you've even shown me a picture of him. I do, however, know your sister. I know Apple. From what I gathered yesterday, they genuinely believe in him. They believe that despite what anger could be there that he does love you and will forgive you for whatever you might have done. I stand on their side. Sometimes...a long flight is just a long flight. Maybe Arbor collapsed onto his bed and won't wake until tomorrow morning. Or maybe he wants to give you more than a few hours after his return to collect yourself and your feelings before he springs himself on you again. I can tell despite your reservations that you continue to care for him greatly. If you deemed him worthy before to place your faith in him, then I say give him a little more faith now. Take it from my experience...don't beat yourself up when he just wants to see you smile."
A tightening throat halted my response. Relief and understanding flooded my mind to fight for dominance, and the result left me clutching onto my friend blinking back tears. Worse than how I ignored Arbor, I had stopped having faith. I tossed aside who he was, who he was working so hard to be to fulfill a delusion in my head that wasn't the truth.
"Thank you, Rich." I finally croaked out.
"Anytime." he replied kindly, resting his head against mine.
I remained clutched to him for a moment more. Rich was warm, but his comfort keeping my heart from freezing was too good to simply let go. He didn't mind. Rich merely pat my head, pushed our talking onto other topics to brighten the atmosphere, and offered to get us drinks when I'd collected myself. Gilly's promise of hot chocolate didn't return to my brain until Rich and I separated to head home. Though feeling a little bad, I'm sure my sister wouldn't mind too much. I also didn't send her a heads-up of my arrival. Letting her know I was at least more willing than before to talk of Arbor would certainly be a good surprise to reveal. If only I'd known that Gilly had something in store for me at the park. A plan of her own that worked terribly against the plan I'd made for myself.
"You look to be in a good mood now." she noted cheerfully as I met her in the upstairs hallway.
She said nothing of the text I should have sent or hot chocolate.
"Yeah, going to the park really helped me sort my head out. Not that everything's fixed, but a lot of my stubbornness has been beaten back." I replied with a quiet laugh.
Though that smile I wore soon dropped when Gilly looked at me expectantly. Far too expectantly. As if she was waiting for me to announce I was getting married or something.
"Something up?" I asked.
"Oh, I was..." she started slowly, confusion taking hold on her lightly as well, "Just wondering if that was all you had to say about your trip to the park."
"What else are you looking for me to say? I mean, I was going to tell you that Rich helped me sort through a large reason of why I was keeping Arbor away."
"Rich?"
"Yeah, Rich. I asked him to meet up with me," I revealed, "Why?"
Gilly snatched my hand before I could blink to hurry us into our bedroom. More confused than ever at her worried expression, that was when she told me of what she'd done.
"I thought you were with Arbor this whole time."
"Why in the world would you think that?"
"Because I texted him to go meet you when you told me where you were going. That way you could sort everything out. I had no idea you weren't going alone." Gilly spoke quickly.
Her phone was in her hand in a flash, and a call was going through before I could process who exactly my sister meant to contact. She grabbed my arm to halt me when I took a tentative step back and held up a finger to hush me.
"Don't go anywhere. Don't say anything. Just listen. I'll try to sort this out." she commanded.
The other person picked up as soon as she did. She had him on speakerphone.
"Hey, Gil."
My body froze again, taken over by an warring surge of ice and flames. That was his voice, but it wasn't his voice. Deeper and more mature with plenty of familiarity to send every nerve on edge, I couldn't move or speak even if Gilly hadn't placed those requirements on me.
"Hey, Arbor," Gilly spoke deceptively innocent as she started her lies, "Dia just got home. She hasn't said anything about meeting with you though. Did you not go to the park?"
"No, I...I did..."
Distraught. Heartbroken. Those emotions claimed him for their own, and hearing them take control seared my core.
"I went, but I never made it to the actual park. I watched from the lot across the street. Dia was with someone else." Arbor trudged on miserably.
"Oh? Who? She didn't say anything about meeting with someone." Gilly pressed him.
"I don't know. Never seen him before. But...but they seemed pretty friendly. They walked around the park talking and having a good time. They spoke about something more serious after they took a seat on a bench. I was too far away to hear, of course. Then...well, Gil...Dia got quite cuddly with him. Clinging onto his arm, putting her head on his shoulder, and he did much of the same. I guess seeing them together makes Dia avoiding me make much more sense."
His voice trailed off. It wasn't hard imagining his head hanging low. My hands quivered as I shook my head furiously at my sister. Rich and I weren't anything like what Arbor imagined. Gilly just smiled at me. She knew. Of course she knew.
"That's really strange. Tell me more about this guy." she requested.
"Solid. A goldish yellow. Um-"
"Slightly longer wavy hair and with a beard?"
"Yeah."
"Well, buddy, I don't know how to break this to you," Gilly played her amused laugh of relief perfectly, "But what you think you saw is totally wrong. That's Rich Coin, one of Dia's friends from her college classes. You know, I haven't told you yet but Blaze had a bit of an episode last night. His blood pressure medicine wasn't working as it should, so grandpa and Dia had to take him to the hospital. He's fine, but you know how Dia gets with these things. She was super stressed. Rich is one of the ones she goes right to for comfort since going for the same kind of work as her means he gets her worries. I'm sure that's all that was going on at the park."
"Oh," Arbor realized quietly, his relief loosening the tension in my own muscles, "Are...are you really sure?"
"I'm more than sure," Gilly laughed louder, "I can say that because Rich is already with someone else. Branch. A guy. Because he's super gay."
"Oh," Arbor laughed too, and my heart soared, "I suppose that was my bad then.
"It's fine. Just glad we got that sorted out- because I have another idea," Gilly declared boldly, "Dia's in a good mood now, and there's no random guys at the house to give you the wrong impression. Come over. We'll finally put all this nonsense she's been doing to rest."
I held my breath waiting for the moment to confirm my lingering fears. To hear irritation or frustration or rejection in his voice as he refused. To hear him admit it as a lost cause. Arbor only spoke determinedly without missing a beat.
"Sure. I'll be over soon."
The two talked for a moment more over other matters like how Arbor's parents were having him home and how his flights had been. I still couldn't move due to being afraid to making any noise and ruining the illusion Gilly spun to set the situation straight. However, I didn't want to move. I was fascinated with the conversation. It was plain and basic, but it showed me something I hadn't considered before. Gilly knew how Arbor felt because, unlike me, she'd never stopped talking to him. All those months of my silence they continued on as good friend. Friends. Gilly playfully bantered with Arbor, and he bounced it right back. I remembered back when my sister sent him death glares after he was the one to break my heart, and the change from then to now nearly made me laugh. The amusing thought prevented me from bolting when the minutes passed and Arbor suddenly arrived at our doorstep. Gilly thankfully volunteered to answer the door.
And in he walked.
Like his voice, he was different. Arbor stood taller, more filled out with shoulders back and confident. His face was longer, and he'd definitely gone up a shoe size. What I noticed more than any of that though was his brightness. Not a physical brightness, not one of light- Arbor walked without burdens on his back. A thrill and joy for living he'd held flickers of before blossomed with his smile and searching gaze as we came into view.
"Hey, good job! You made it home without your plane burning and crashing!" Gilly cheered to ensure no awkward silence could creep forward.
"I don't think I had any say in the matter, but thanks!" he replied enthusiastically.
Their hands meet for a resounding high-five.
Against everything I assumed when I thought of this moment, I had little issue grinning and chuckling along. Make no mistake that I felt like an outsider even as everything around me was familiar. However, my desire to run was fading. Well, my desire to run away. My whole body urged me to throw myself at Arbor and his arms, which was a huge portion of why I'd been afraid to meet him. I did still love him.
"You survived the screaming babies. There's always at least one of those type of flights." I joined with.
I made my eyes meet Arbor's without resistance, and I'm glad I did. I caught even more relief sinking into his chest as well as how his face crinkled when he smiled.
"There was one. Nothing compared to the screaming adults though. Biggest bunch of spoiled complainers there ever was. I was just glad I'd long since bought some great noise-canceling headphones."
"I don't know. You weren't there the one time when Merlot refused to get out of bed and then realized when he finally came downstairs that Gil and I'd eaten his portion of the bacon."
"Oh my god, I forgot about that," Gilly recalled, "You'd think we'd set all of his things on fire."
"It's never nice to mess with a man's bacon." Arbor joked.
"That's not the only teenage temper tantrum he's had. Come on. Let's sit down and we'll get you all caught up on the tales." Gilly motioned to the living room with her offer.
"Sure." Arbor agreed brightly.
Naturally, Gilly still had a goal past entertaining her returned friend. Arbor and I had no choice but to sit next to the other on the couch when my sister volunteered to take care of the treats. Out came that hot chocolate she promised and some leftover candy canes. I drank my drink despite my full belly from the cider I'd had with Rich and delighted in the ease of conversation. There was too much to talk about to give any stagnant tension rise up. Anxiousness still crawled under my skin regardless given that we all ignored the serious topics that would have to be addressed eventually, but if Arbor was going to hate and rebuke me as he'd done in my nightmares he wouldn't sit and laugh as he did. He wasn't like that, even when I first met him.
"Wait, what?" Gilly questioned to herself in confusion.
She pulled out her phone again. This time it was going off due to an alarm.
"Why did I set my class alarm? I went to my Friday session last week." she continued, turning it off.
"Um, Gil," I glanced up, "You have class this Friday too, remember? Your instructor's out next week."
"Oh," she whispered as a realization hit her, "Shit."
She began a mad flurry gathering her things.
"It's a good thing I convinced you to set that alarm in your calendar so early. I was wondering why you hadn't left yet. Maybe next time set it so it gives you more time to get ready?" I prompted.
"It'll be fine!" Gilly pouted even as she flew up the stairs to change.
Arbor and I barely had time to chuckle and finish off our drinks before she was back down in more proper attire with a bag over her back. The door slammed behind her as she rushed into the car.
Within seconds of Gilly's departure down the road, the atmosphere shifted.
"It's a good thing I'll still be living with her after we move. She's never changed." I resumed talking to fill up the silent reality lurking around me and my companion.
Without my sister, the opportunity was there. No one else was home. They were either at work, school, or the hospital. Arbor and I could freely discuss what'd happened between us. The question of whether we wanted to or not prevented it for the moment. I certainly had no idea to jump into that conversation, and by how Arbor shifted he didn't have any ideas either.
"Anyway, I've heard about your flight. Tell me how your first day home has been so far."
My simple request led us down that complicated path regardless.
"It's been good. I got plenty of sleep before my grandparents drove me to the airport, and then I got plenty more on the plane. I'm sure the jet lag with hit eventually though. Mom and dad are, of course, excited to have me home. Couldn't get out of my mom's arms for the first hour," he chuckled fondly, "We spent all morning together. Then I got-"
Arbor quickly cut himself off. He'd forgotten that I didn't know of Gilly's first attempt to get us together, and I'd forgotten that he didn't know that I knew everything. He lied as he tossed out his explanation of my sister's original text.
"I went outside for a walk. Wanted to see the area again and what's changed."
"It's a day for walks then. I went for one too," I absentmindedly rubbed my knees, my logical mind deciding to take the plunge into the deep end before my fears could convince me otherwise, "If I'd known, we could have met up."
"Uh, yeah."
Upon giving him a look, Arbor fidgeted and fussed in embarrassment. We both knew how he looked and sounded when he lied, and he knew I caught him in one. I giggled and put him out of his misery.
"Sorry, Arbor. To tell you the truth, Gilly explained what she'd tried to do. How she sent you to the park and how you got the wrong impression with Rich and me."
"Oh." Arbor nodded, still embarrassed but relieved yet again.
"She was wrong with what we were talking about on the bench though. We weren't talking about Blaze. We were talking about you. Rich was helping me see how my fears about my mistakes these past months with our relationship were not only wrong but doing a lot of disservice to you."
Oh god, I was really doing this. Panicking, I stood up at first reaching for the tray with the empty cups to take them to the sink. My hand hardly brushed the thing before I wiped my sweaty palms off onto my skirt and clenching my fists. That was running away. I wasn't doing that anymore. Arbor deserved that much courtesy. My breath staggered when he stood. He moved so close I could feel his heat, and when we locked eyes again I was gone. I slipped into his embrace, burying myself in every nook or cranny I could find. Arbor took me in willingly.
"How are you not angry?"
My question quivered as it fell from my shaking lips to his neck. Arbor's arms wrapped around me tighter.
"I was. Incredibly so. I was pissed, hurt, and lonely. I spent too many hours staring at my phone making my eyes go dry waiting for a call. A text. Something that would never come," he sighed, but not bitterly, "I threw my anger away though. I'd spent eight years carrying it in my chest, and I wasn't going to let it take hold over something I knew wasn't lost. I haven't known you as long as the rest of your friends, but I still know you, Dia. You beat yourself up too much. It wasn't that you didn't like me or didn't even want to be friends, but because you were ashamed of yourself. You felt weak, and that was a spiral that just kept going."
My eyes flickered downward in my own embarrassment, which caused Arbor to chuckle and run his fingers lazily through my hair.
"Gilly wouldn't let me think wrongly either. She kept sticking up for you, pleading your case. I finally got her to calm and accept that I wasn't going to give up so easily. You showed me worlds of patience when I gave you no reason to believe in me. It only made sense for me to show you the same patience. To trust in the person I knew lay beneath the pain, fear, and worries."
Linking my lashes tightly, I inhaled deeply and let it out slowly and silently. Arbor was too calming. Too kind. Too in love with me, and I too in love with him. Getting to lean against him and feel as if nothing was wrong drugged me intoxicatingly.
I had to step back. Madness would take hold soon if I didn't collect myself. I would say something silly like we should get back together right there or then. Certain matters made that impossible. I would give anything to return to our simple high school days, but my eyes searched out the tray and discarded candy wrappers. My hands itched towards them, but I hesitated.
"Let's clean up a bit." Arbor caught my dilemma.
He gave me the tray and gathered the wrappers for himself. The moment of distraction granted me enough peace to search out the words in my mind. The ones it killed me to say but couldn't be ignored.
"Arbor, I'm sorry," I began tentatively, "I don't have a clue as to state how right you are in everything and how wrong I was to ignore you, even if you came to forgive me. You understand a lot, but there's a certain worry about our relationship that I don't know if anyone, even you, considered when it came to how difficult it was for me to keep reaching out."
"What are you worried about?" he pressed gently.
"That even though you've come back, I...I might not be able to handle dating. Sure you're a lot closer, but that doesn't make me any less busy. I'm rarely free. The times I am I study or sleep. I've gotten lucky this semester to have most of my Friday off, and it's been my saving grace in staying sane. I...I don't want you to promise you something just to ruin it again."
His hands were instantly in mine. He wouldn't let me break free, and I didn't want to.
"Funnily enough, I considered something like that. Maybe not that exactly, but I didn't arrive home today expecting for everything to be perfect. I naturally weren't sure how receptive you'd be to my presence. I clearly even though you were capable of moving on from me, as my assumption Rich showed us. It's fine if you don't want to date right now. It's fine if you need time. I-I suppose all I want to hear is if there's still a chance. I don't need much. Just that."
"I..."
Unsure if I could give him that small of a simple answer, I hesitated. I'd have time in the summer as Zenith Peak wouldn't let me start any classes until the fall, but then the same problem as before popped up. I'd be far away from home this time while Arbor remained. My classes would get worse, and I'd been in Tinseltown for far longer than a year and a half. Instinct pushed me to deny him right here for now and forever, but just his thumb running kindly over the top of my hand alone stopped such nonsense. I couldn't deny Arbor. There had to be some way for us to try no matter how much I rank blank on the options.
"T-There's a chance." I promised.
Arbor embraced me as a happy child embraces his parents after receiving a present. More instincts nearly had my lips connecting with his, but I slipped back before he caught onto my impulse. Maybe he would have been smart too and stepped away, but my chest saddened wishing he would have noticed to kiss me as he'd kissed me before. I was also taken aback by what he said next.
"It's good to hear that. I have something I want to say myself, and I hope you'll understand why I say it the way I do," Arbor warned with a impish grin, "Dia, stop being so impossibly self-centered. You didn't ruin anything the first time around. You're doing something difficult, and you made a wise choice in order to keep yourself happy and content. Yes, you made a poor decision after that, but I get a say in how 'broken' our relationship was as well. I said I was pissed, but my world doesn't revolve around you. There were a lot of days I hardly thought about you, in fact. I was off having fun with my grandparents exploring the world and seeing new sights. I did try to tell you that and a lot of what I said earlier in my texts. Of how I only wanted you to relax and live as best you could, because that's what I was doing. I don't know how many of those texts you saw though."
I laughed. Rich's words floated back to me with that ringing truth. I had indeed been beating myself up when Arbor just wanted me to smile. All I'd done was focus on myself and my version of events.
"I get you," I nodded, and my amusement was shared, "And I'm glad you said that."
"I-"
The sound of a door opening stopped Arbor's response. Glancing over to the clock thinking it too early for anyone to return home, I realized it was the exactly moment mom usually returned. The hours were going by. Any chance to notify her of our visitor vanished in that brief moment as she stepped right around the corner. Her eyes went wide and her smile wider.
"Arbor, so good to see you." she greeted, beaming.
"You too, Mrs. Vivid."
"Ahh, none of that now. You're an adult, so you can go ahead and call me Holly."
"I don't know," he chuckled, "That feels a little weird."
"Humor her. It makes her feel less old." I prodded in a fake whisper.
"At least I'm not as bad as your father." mom couldn't argue.
"That sounds like there's some stories behind that." Arbor guessed correctly.
"My boy, let me spin you a tale." mom began grandly.
Mom ushered us to the table and took out treats to begin recounting humorous accounts of dad's increasing theatrics now that he'd more than firmly reached middle-age. It started with his dramatics yesterday and went back as far the time he flushed mom's anti-wrinkle cream in the garbage so she wouldn't see what he was using when she caught him in their bathroom with it. I made sure to puncture the conversation with stories mom found embarrassing to equal out the treatment, which mom took in stride. Against all I'd thought yesterday, having Arbor around again was an absolute delight. Mom thought back to find another good story to tell when the front door opened and closed. Soft but hurried footsteps scurried to the stairs.
"Merl?" mom called.
"Yeah, it's me. Hi." he called from the other side of the wall.
I was already up and walking in his direction. I had another bone to pick with him, but at the sound of my approach he scampered off with extra haste.
"I need to talk to you!" I called after my brother, but all I caught was the sight of his feet upstairs on a mad dash to his room.
"I'll be right down! Promise!"
I frowned, but wasn't in the mood to pursue.
He actually kept his word and returned before long too in any case. He paused as mom did at the sight of our guest.
"Oh, hey, Arbor."
"Hey, Merlot. You've grown quite a lot since I've last seen you."
"Hormones will do that to you." my brother grinned.
"Still getting hit with a bit of them myself. It'll be nice when I stop having to buy new clothes so often."
"I can't wait for that day either." mom joined in, glancing at Merlot.
"Not my fault," he shrugged along with the teasing, "Anyway, what did you need, Dia?"
"For you stop leaving your clothes in the washer. I went to do my load earlier, and yours were still in there. They smelled horrible."
"My bad. I'll remember next time." he apologized so genuinely I couldn't berate him more like normal.
Besides, an important email I'd been waiting for all day buzzed my phone. I looked at it to confirm it was what I thought while Merlot kept talking.
"I'm going to go do all my homework right now," he announced to mom proudly, "There's a campaign on Realm of Fantasy my friends want to play tonight, so I'll make sure to have my work done in order to stay up late like you require."
"Sounds good." mom nodded.
"Also, I know it's a little random, but there's something I want to ask you for as well."
"Okay, I should have seen that coming. What is it?"
"One of those big wardrobes like Gil and Dia used to have."
"Definitely did not see that coming. Why do you want one of those?"
"Storage," Merlot replied with the obvious answer, "I have like no space in my room to put anything, and I don't think tearing down part of the bathroom to make room for a closet would be something you'd be up for."
"No, not really," mom agreed, "I don't see a reason to say no. Just stay more on top of your chores, and we can go pick out something from one of the furniture stores tomorrow."
"I will, promise! Thank you!"
He bent over, placed a kiss on her cheek, and zoomed back up the stairs. Mom watched him leave and then shook her head.
"It's a weird day." she laughed.
"And a lucky one. Frosted cancelled my night class due to the impending storm. He's the professor of my only classes today." I added the last sentence for Arbor's benefit.
"Nice. You and Arbor will have plenty of time to spend together then." mom teased harder.
"Mom." I rebuked, but I laughed.
Arbor laughed too.
If she had her way, Arbor would be staying the night for a sleepover. The storm that cancelled my class begin to roll in though, and Mr. and Mrs. Thicket requested their son home too. I thought it strange they allowed him so much time away, but I figured they were good to let him be out of their grasp for one afternoon more if it meant making up with me.
"So," Arbor began suspiciously as we walked towards his house, "There were these girls..."
"Uh-huh." I quirked an eyebrow.
"People were a lot less bothered with my tattoos over there, so more people were prone to come up and ask about them. Grandpa, grandma, and I were at this really fancy hotel. Lots of rich people. These two girls, they picked their bikinis well. They were sisters or cousins or something. They just couldn't get enough of me."
"Are you trying to make me jealous?" I burst into laughter at his exaggerated tone.
"I told them I was taken, of course. We were on our break by then, but when someone's just so attracted to you it's the only thing to say when they won't leave you alone."
"Oh my god."
I couldn't even mock being annoyed through my giggles. What a dork. The story was either made up or highly exaggerated, and jealousy was the farthest emotion from what bounced around in my chest. All I could remember was what I'd seen when Arbor walked into our house earlier. He'd never been this open, carefree, and jovial even in those better months before he left. Arbor had rediscovered his true self in the past year and a half.
"There has to be a smidge of jealousy in you somewhere." he prodded with the biggest, goofiest grin I'd ever seen.
"Nope." I answered mischievously but honestly.
"Really?"
"Yup."
"Well, I was jealous seeing you with Rich before I knew the truth."
He spoke it in the same bantering manner, but his words weren't a lie.
"Really?" I questioned now.
"Yeah."
I wondered if this had been his actual plan- to get on this topic to lure me closer. He wasn't stung by the temporary envy enough for it to actually hurt, but I placed my hand in his comfortingly and matched our steps. I didn't mind either way.
"You're far better."
"Well, thank you." Arbor beamed.
The snow came down harder as we approached the familiar yet unfamiliar house. I'd avoided it and the Thickets as I'd avoided Arbor. My steps slowed in guilt, but Arbor kept our grasp tight to lead me on.
"They're not angry either." he assured gently.
I merely nodded. An exceptionally furious wind slammed into us when we reached the overhang covering the space before his front door.
"You sure you don't want me to drive you home?" Arbor asked.
"What would be the point in that when I just walked you home?"
"More time with you."
"Oh my god." I repeated.
That's when it hit me that we'd begun a battle. Arbor said he didn't need for us to date again right now, but nothing had been said about him not coercing me towards the path faster. I hadn't told him I didn't want his adorable flirtations, and I wished I'd done so. They were far too good, and there was no stopping them now. All it took was Arbor winking after my response to crumble without mercy half of the weakening wall I held up.
"You're impossible. I hope you're happy." I scoffed with the corners of my mouth creeping upwards.
Arbor cocked his head to the side curiously. That gentle wondering on his expression vanished the instant I pulled him closer and placed a hand against his cheek. His lips were on mine as fast as mine dug into his. If any of my wall remained after the deepening touch scalded me to the point where I no longer felt the cold then it was nothing more than rubble. I struggled to breath when I surfaced while my cheeks burned harder upon catching Mr. and Mrs. Thicket watching eagerly but as stealthily as they could from inside.
"I'm very happy." Arbor's eyes glittered.
"I'll see you tomorrow?" I spoke before his victory was crushing.
"See you tomorrow." he nodded vigorously.
Unable to stop myself, I placed another kiss on his lips. Arbor left me with one more overwhelming merrily smile before I turned on my heel to walk home before he did go ahead and convince me to let him drive me. I was fine getting back despite the building storm. With the heat in my chest, the wind and snow were nothing.
YEESSSSSSS!!!
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