School was done for the day, and it was quiet in the halls. Cerise and Glade were taking the bus home because I had something to do that afternoon, and I was actually letting Azure borrow dad's car, which had basically become mine, in order to go around and do some shopping for Moon's birthday. The two of them had had a thing after they first went to homecoming before there had been a long break where they went back to being just friends. Now they were dating after having gone to homecoming together again, and I swore Moon was already picking out her wedding dress. Girls. Azure was happy though, which was nice to see because I was having trouble feeling such an emotion myself lately.
"So, what do you think? Clothes? Jewelry? She likes both, but I feel like those are both safe and boring ideas." Azure asked.
"I dunno." I shrugged.
"C'mon, Coal! You have three sisters! You should be able to tell me the best presents for a girl with ease!" Azure whined.
"Except Moon isn't my sister, and every girl is different," I rolled my eyes with a smirk, "But, didn't I hear her talking about wanting a puppy? You could try that."
"I can't get her a puppy." Azure frowned.
"Why not? She said that her parents were seriously considering letting her get one. Talk to them to make sure it's alright, and then go to the humane society or something. That's where Uncle Eden got Button. They have a bunch of dogs of all ages, they take care of all their shots and stuff, they neuter or spay them too, and they're relatively inexpensive. Then you and Moon could go shopping for a bed, collars, toys, and whatever, and it'd be like you'd have your own puppy baby to raise together."
"Possibly." Azure conceded, sounding almost convinced.
He asked me more about the adoption process, which was a difficult question to answer considering I'd never gone through it myself either. Uncle Eden had only vaguely described how he got Button once. I'd barely gotten started when Azure and I were forcibly pulled out of that conversation though by the sound of a familiar voice heading our way. Despite being familiar, it was a voice I hadn't heard for quite some time now. Candy was walking down the hall with her hand tightly gripped in her new boyfriend's palm. The two of them didn't notice us until they got a bit closer.
"Hey, Azure." Candy greeted my friend after giving me a very vicious death glare.
"Hey, Candy." Azure greeted back, doing his best not to let the awkwardness affect him.
Their exchange was just that simple greeting. Candy smiled at him, turned her head away from me with a huff, and continued walking away with her guy. I had heard what his name was once, but I hadn't exactly been eager to remember it.
It got even more awkward when the two stopped further down so Candy's boyfriend could get something out of his locker twenty feet away from us. I had trouble finding my voice, and Azure didn't know how to pick up our conversation normally either. He used the time to fiddle around with his books in his own locker. Thankfully, Candy and her companion didn't linger. The guy's stuff was gotten, and they were on their way. I tried not to stare at them. It was only one quick glance that let me see the two deciding right then was the appropriate moment to attach their lips together as they rounded the corner.
Azure let out a long, relieved exhale the second they were out of sight. I let out a quiet, mental one. There was no desire in me to address what just happened, but of course Azure couldn't leave it alone.
"Seeing those two, it makes me wonder if Candy actually likes him as much as she acts like she does, or if she only started dating him to piss you off." he wondered.
"Candy did everything correct when she was with me. I was the one who screwed things up. I have no right to judge her in this case. If she's started dating him, then I have to believe what she feels is genuine."
"You know, I seriously don't get it," Azure said to me in confusion, "Why did you ignore what Blaze told you? I mean, you explained the situation easily enough to Midas and me. Why didn't you do the same with Candy?"
"It's not that I didn't listen. I'm just a fucking coward, alright? Each time I got Candy alone, I would freeze like crazy when I tried to have an honest discussion with her. The fact is that I simply couldn't bring myself to do it, and I received the consequence I deserved." I explained with a defeated, complacent shrug.
Like there had been no official declaration that we were dating, there had been no official word that Candy and I had broken up. Even with Uncle Blaze getting more and more pissed at me, I couldn't follow through on my promise. That meant the situation boiled down until I was neglecting and avoiding Candy entirely. She naturally wasn't going to put up with that. Candy never said anything about it to me, but the next time I saw her she was acting as if she hated my guts, which I'm sure she did. I deferred to her anger given that the mess was all my fault. We still hadn't spoken since, and that had been closer towards the end of summer. Then a week or two after homecoming I heard from various sources that Candy had begun dating the guy she walked by with just a moment ago.
"I won't get too on your case, because I have no idea how hard the problem was to face. I just wish it could have worked out with you two. It's a sad situation." Azure said.
"It does suck. I wish I could have handled it better too, but I'm doing what I can not to dwell on it much anymore. I'm just glad the worst is over so I can deal with the more pressing matters I have to tackle now."
"Right," Azure nodded sadly, "I'm sorry again about your grandmother."
"It's alright," I shook my head somberly, "We all knew it was coming given how fast her health went. Honestly, I was always a little shocked at how long she lasted. Grandma was so distraught when grandpa died no one thought she'd even make it through the year yet alone last years past him."
"At least they're together once more now."
"Yeah." I agreed slowly.
Having delayed long enough, I handed the keys to the car over to Azure so I could walk towards my destination. I actually ended up spotting Cerise and Glade in a school bus as they passed by. Only Glade noticed me, and we managed a quick wave before the bus was off down the street. My destination was the building right next door to the elementary. That would naturally be the hospital. It had been far too long since I had ever had to stop at the front desk to ask where I needed to go. As long as I had the room number, I could find my way to any part of the building. Upon reaching mom's room, I quieted my footsteps. She appeared to be sleeping, but I had to frown at the sight.
"Oh," I spoke softly when going over to her side showed me that she was actually awake, for her eyes opened when I came near, "Mom, if you want to take a nap you really should get under the covers."
"I will," she answered me softly as well, but her quiet voice was one of pain, "The nurse will be here to give me a check-up in a few minutes, so I got out of the covers so as to not fall back asleep."
"I see."
I took a seat on the edge of the bed. Mom didn't say anything. She didn't even look at me. I must admit, it was difficult for me to look at her. Grandpa's death had been hard for her, of course, but there had been something about grandma's passing that was absolutely destroying her. For lack of a better phrase, mom's locked gaze on the floor was dull and dead. The red around her eyes I knew to be from her crying and not from her illness. That she had gotten ill was a scary thing in itself. It really hadn't been germs or whatever that was giving her problems, but mom's grief had seriously hit her that hard that her body was throwing such a fit that a hospital stay was necessary.
"Want to talk?" I offered, knowing it was pointless to ask if she was alright.
"I..." mom mumbled miserably, "It...it just hurts, and it's terrifying, you know? I've always loathed the fact that I didn't get to live a normal childhood with my parents. Technically I knew them for the majority of my life, but it feels as if I only knew them for a short while. Now they're gone, and every second I didn't spend with them when I had the chance seems like a total waste."
I placed my hand on mom's knee. I wasn't sure what to say, but that didn't matter so much because she continued.
"I'm getting older. It's getting harder and harder to do what I once could. Everyone else is getting older too. Eden, Blaze, Rose, Jac...one by one they're going to pass away. I'll have to keep watching people die, and eventually I'll be all alone..."
I frowned hard at that. I was worried because I had never heard mom sound this crushingly defeated. I was indignant too, but I chose to ignore that emotion.
"Mom, you're not ever going to be alone. You'll have all your friends, and Wisp, Pris, Desi, Ceri, Glade, and I will always be there. We'll make so many grandchildren for you that you finally won't have enough rooms in the house to hold them all when we come to visit. You'll be surrounded by so much love you won't know what to do."
"And I look forward to that day," mom managed to crack the tiniest of smiles, "I know I have my friends. I know I have you kids, but that wasn't what I meant when I said I'll be alone..."
"What did you mean then?" I asked in confusion.
Seriously, what else could she have meant by that? How could mom think she would be alone if she would still be surrounded by family and friends? It took me a while to find the answer, which was strange because I was now acquainted with the feeling I'm sure she was getting at. I had people that cared about me, but the withdrawal of a certain person left me rather empty and lonely.
"You're talking about dad." I spoke my revelation.
Mom nodded weakly.
"It can be corny when they say your partner is your other half, but it truly feels as if I've only been a half person since Amaranth disappeared. I wonder if it would hurt less if I just knew what happened. Honestly, I would be glad to find out he's dead. It's what I think anyway, and it'd allow me to put my mind at peace. I could actually mourn him properly. I could stop having to pretend to have hope for the sake of the rest of your siblings. It's exhausting lying all the time."
"Anything I can do to help?" I offered.
At that, mom finally looked me in the eye. The edges of her mouth twitched into another hint of a smile.
"What I want from you is to get a grip on what you want for your future. You're already almost a quarter way through your last year of high school, Coal. You can't delay any longer." she spoke determinedly.
"You underestimate me," I laughed boastfully, eager to latch onto anything that might brighten the mood, "I've been honestly thinking too. Why do I need to leave the house? Perhaps it's best if I stay forever. Blaze is getting older. He'll be a decrepit and grouchy old man before we know it. You'll need someone else around to help you keep things in order."
Somehow, that did the trick. Mom scoffed amusedly, and she propped herself up normally.
"You'd better not let Blaze hear you saying that," she grinned before sighing, "But, about you staying...if you genuinely feel so averse about attending college until you know exactly what you want to strive for, then I won't force you to go. Holding off for a year won't hurt you, and college is seriously getting expensive."
"Really?" I questioned in excited disbelief.
"But-"
"And there it is." I sighed.
"If you do decide to stay, you have to get a part-time job."
"Well, that's not bad at all. I was already thinking of looking into getting one soon anyway."
"I'll also take out a certain chunk relative to how much you earn to cover the rent I'll be requiring you to pay."
"Rent?"
The word was foreign to my tongue in that moment.
"I think you putting a quarter of whatever you make each paycheck into a savings account is something I'll have you do as well." mom kept on going.
"You do know a minimum wage, part-time job doesn't exactly give you much money to begin with, right? With taxes, you taking rent, and me putting a quarter into savings, that'll barely leave me with anything." I explained in disbelief.
"You'll be left with about as much as you get now in allowance by my calculations." mom reasoned.
"And will I still be getting my allowance?" I asked.
Mom let out the loudest laugh I had heard from her in weeks.
"Yeah, okay, I get it. No need for that." I pouted in annoyed indignance.
"Welcome to the real world, baby boy." mom chuckled.
She motioned for me to sit down next to her once more. I was going to deny her at first, but I gave in to the hug and hair petting she offered. This was the most life I'd seen in her since grandma's passing. I could handle her poking fun at me a little, even if I wished the part about the rent and savings was just a joke.
The nurse came into the room a minute later. Mom was poked a bit and asked several questions. She was given some medicine before being told she would most likely be able to go home tomorrow or the day after. Mom reacted indifferently to the news, but I was definitely glad to hear it. Any time mom had to spend in the hospital was too much time for me. That afternoon wasn't nearly as bad as the past few afternoons had been though. Mom was willing to banter back and forth with me some more. We joked around, and I ran down to the hospital's cafe to get us some snacks. Mom even had enough energy to help me with a good portion of my homework. I grabbed a chair from the corner to sit by her and hold her hand as we watched some television. An hour and a half into my visit, mom grew exhausted once more. She snuggled herself under the covers properly. Her dreamland found her quickly.
"Night." I whispered softly, giving her a kiss on the forehead before grabbing my backpack and taking my leave.
It was such a gorgeous day out that I contemplated walking all the way home as I didn't have that homework to worry about anymore. However, I knew Uncle Blaze would be needing help with something around the house like he always did. Thus, it was bus time for me. I got a bit of a walk anyway as the road near the hospital was under construction. The bus stop closest to the building was temporarily closed thanks to that, so I had to go two blocks away to the next stop on the route I needed. I only managed to traverse one of those blocks before my breath caught, my heart seemed to tumble from the top of my throat down to the bottom of my stomach, and I wholly contemplated if I should turn and dash the other direction.
Unfortunately, doing that would have surely put me in an even worse position with the person walking towards me. Well, we were walking towards each other. It was horrible enough being in a lot of classes with Candy, but now I was being forced to awkwardly deal with if I should either look or not look her in the eye as we got closer.
I did the lone thing that made sense. Candy was still very much furious at me, and it was a fury I deserved. All I could do was continue to be subservient in her presence and let her decide what was the appropriate reaction to have. Candy's harsh gaze never moved off me the second she noticed me on the sidewalk. Figuring she would want nothing to do with me, I expected a tiny nod of acknowledgement would be safe before she let me go my way. However, Candy slowed and half stepped in front of me as we reached that reasonable distance between us.
"Hi, Candy." I said as genuinely as I could as it was clear this would not be a silent encounter.
"Hey, Coal." Candy spoke sharply and with such bitter, sarcastic enthusiasm it cut through my chest.
A moment of pause passed then. Candy was waiting for me to say something, I think. As I couldn't come up with a single thing that didn't seem to be dangerous words in the current situation, I kept my mouth shut.
"What are you still doing out here in the city so long after school got out? Shouldn't you be at home dragging your sisters all over or making up homework assignments?" Candy snapped.
"I..." I faltered, trying at first to apologize but only having the strength to say the truth, "I was visiting my mom. She's in the hospital again. My grandmother passed away recently, and the depression from her passing hit mom so hard it made her ill."
I didn't speak with the intention of spinning a hauntingly sad sob story in order to put Candy in a rough position where if she continued to berate me then she would be the bad guy here. I could tell that's what she was thinking I was trying to do in those seconds after I answered. It soon sank in that I wasn't playing a game. I had responded to a question, and that was it. Candy let out a sigh and stared at me much more sympathetically.
"I'm sorry, Coal," she spoke without any hint of malice now, "I had heard about your grandmother, but I hadn't heard about your mom. Your family...really does always have something to deal with, huh?"
"It certainly feels like it," I attempted to chuckle, but it came out just a smidge pitiful, "And, uh, thanks."
I cleared my throat, and the silence that followed was excruciatingly hard to handle. Candy's intentions of having a go at me had been thrown off, and neither of us knew where to go from here. My best idea was to remove myself from the situation.
"I was just on my way to the bus stop," I resumed explaining, "I know that you're not exactly...happy with me, so I'll let you get on your way before I mess up your afternoon."
With no response from Candy at that, I could only assume that was what she wanted. I gave her another tiny nod and the best smile I could muster before pressing on past her. Candy still said or did nothing. I covered twenty feet or so until she made up her mind on what she wanted.
"Coal, wait!" she called after me.
"You don't have to feel obligated to interact with me if you don't want to. You have every right to not have to bother with me again, and I'll understand perfectly." I told her honestly, although I did stop to wait as she dashed over.
An annoyed frown returned to her face, but it wasn't quite like the furious one she wore before. This was more of the old, familiar Candy that I knew how to converse with better.
"The only one who's obligated about anything here is you," she told me firmly, "Talk to me, Coal. Tell me what went wrong. You were obviously having trouble saying it before all those weeks ago, and I've been so bitchy with you since I haven't given you a chance to explain either. I want the answer now."
"I seriously did try to tell you..."
I instantly bit my tongue. No. I had no right to try and make excuses. I had drove our relationship into the ground because I couldn't bear the weight of an open conversation. How could I act as if I was the one deserving pity?
"What happened," I began once more, quietly and strained, "The feelings just faded. I liked you, but not even close to the way I had before. I hoped the feelings would come back if I gave it time, but when nothing changed I started to hide away because I was terrified of you finding out. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to hurt myself by accepting that I barely had enough feelings for you to sustain a flirty relationship let alone an actual one."
Candy gave me a strange look.
"You were also worried I would get upset and come to the conclusion that you had been hanging out with me merely so you could sleep with me." she stated confidently and then laughed at my stunned reaction, "You're still not being entirely honest with me, but I get why it has been hard to say it."
And at that, I couldn't say anything further.
"I met up with Holly a few days ago, and I was finally in the mood to hear a little from your side of the story. She told me pretty much everything," Candy revealed with a hint of a smile, "Just exactly how many people have you told everything to?"
"Only Holly and my uncle know that we slept together. Everyone else just got the part about my feelings changing."
"Well, that's fewer people than I've told."
"What?" I pouted in mildly horrified surprise, "How many people know?"
"Coral and Myrtle at first, but our other friend Beryl overheard us. There's my parents and-"
"Your parents?!" I balked.
"I didn't mean for them to find out, but dad noticed his missing condoms and put the pieces together. They already knew the truth, so how could I lie when they asked me about it?" Candy shrugged.
I let out a long groan.
Candy laughed, but it didn't take long before a serious expression washed over her face.
"So, that's just the simple truth then? Your feelings changed." she returned us to our original topic.
"It is," I sighed massively, "And I'm sorry I couldn't say it. I know my actions don't back it up, but I truly do care about you- romantically involved or not. It was ridiculously difficult rejecting Mimosa, and the thought of all those horrible feelings being intensified at having my relationship with you crumble to pieces had me forgetting who was actually being hurt the most."
"I know you care, Coal. You did a stupid, asshole-ish thing, but that never had me thinking you were a bad person. I knew you remained that person I admired underneath all the mess, and that's what made it all so much harder..."
"I'm sorry," I repeated, "I wish I could say that enough to have everything fix itself to the way it should be. I miss you."
"I miss you too, and I certainly don't hate you," Candy managed a pained smile, "But, I am still upset with you. I'm angry, hurt, and not yet ready to try reconnecting."
"I understand. I know well enough not to expect anything unless you tell me otherwise." I comforted softly.
"We'll be friends again someday," Candy promised sadly, "For now though, I think the best I can do is to stop giving you the death glare all the time. It's too exhausting keeping it up through all of our classes, and I don't think lingering on the anger like that is exactly helpful."
"Probably not."
We exchanged weak smiles once more. That was when I got the determination to ask a question before we went our ways and this moment of temporary friendship passed into forced distance.
"Do you regret it? S-sleeping with me, I mean? If you had known how things would turn out, would you still have done it?" I wondered.
My curiosity seemed to amuse Candy somehow. So much so that her smile shifted into something genuine.
"I guess I go both ways. Yes, I probably wouldn't have slept with you had I known how things would change, but I don't regret having slept with you."
"Really?" I asked, and too much relief broke through my voice because Candy laughed before shaking her head at me.
"Yes, really," she confirmed, "Things didn't work out for us, but in those moments things were working out for us. Everything was right then. I don't want to let the bad taint what I enjoyed. Okay, I don't exactly have anything to compare it against, but I get to be one of the girls who can say my first time was something wonderful. That's a pretty important thing. It almost makes me wonder if a certain someone was lying about being a virgin."
"No lies about that," I chuckled at the teasing, "I just happen to have an uncle who think sex needs to be talked about more openly. As he has slept with over three hundred women, he's made quite sure that my siblings and I were given the proper details about sex that our school doesn't really give us."
"Over three hundred? Damn," Candy said in mystified shock, "I guess I have to thank him for instructing you though. It really was good."
A blush burned my cheeks, and I got even more flustered when Candy smirked at me.
"It truly is such a shame we didn't work out," she sighed longingly as she looked up and down at me, her gaze lingering as it traveled down lower, "I wanted more than what I got."
"Excuse me? My eyes are up here," I folded my arms and wore a lop-sided grin, "Besides, aren't you dating someone else now? Sex with me should be the last thing on your mind, shouldn't it?"
"I'm just teasing." Candy scoffed, but she did immediately remove that lusting glint from her eyes.
"I don't really know your new guy, but I wish you and...what's-his-face all the best."
"His name's Cotton."
"So, you're...Cotton and Candy?" I joked.
"Shut up," Candy laughed despite herself, pushing my shoulder, "Anyway, Cotton's really nice. The guy has like no backbone whatsoever, but he's super intuitive. He's quiet and unassuming, but there's a lot of depth to him. He can empathize really well, he's surprisingly strong, he doesn't judge, and he has this subtle sense of humor that's quite brilliant. There's just this aura he has that lets you know you can be nothing other than yourself around him. Cotton's the kind of guy you can trust without fault."
I must admit, it was painful to stand there and see the admiration Candy showed me shine in her eyes as she talked about this schoolmate of mine. All the hints of thoughts Azure put in my mind about Candy having started to date someone else just to piss me off immediately vanished. Candy had moved on.
"He sounds great. I truly do wish you all the best." I reaffirmed gently.
"Thanks." Candy replied, and her softer voice signaled the recognition that we had just now cemented the end of what we had been.
"I...I really do need to get to the bus stop, or else I'll have to wait who knows how long until the next one comes around." I said.
"Yeah. Right. Sorry for keeping you," Candy spoke quietly, "I'll text you...eventually.."
"I'll be waiting."
With a wave from us both, that moment broke away. Candy continued down her path, and I continued down mine. The bus arrived just as I got to the stop, and I had the whole ride to reflect on the strange mixture of sadness, disappointment, and regret but also relief and closure swirling around in my chest. It was a puzzle of emotion I would keep working on for the next few days, but I had to take a break from it the second I walked in the door. Cerise and Glade were most likely upstairs, but Uncle Blaze was directly in my line of vision. He wore an expression of pain, and he nursed his bad ankle until he noticed my arrival. Then he rapidly put on a nonchalant air.
With a huff, I sat down next to him.
"What hurt it this time?" I asked with determination.
"I was just moving that old stuff of Ethereal's she wanted out of her room into the attic." Uncle Blaze mumbled.
"Okay, this isn't a joke anymore. I told you I would do that. Those attic stairs are way too steep. If you don't start accepting your limits, you are going to destroy that ankle of yours." I rebuked.
"I know." Uncle Blaze said slowly.
That was a first. My indignance was swept away by the unexpected admission from Uncle Blaze that he was finally giving in to reality. I received a sideways glance from him as he gingerly placed his ankle back on the ground and winced as he did. He then proceeded to lift his pant leg to show me the ankle was bound by an elastic bandage.
"It was helping for a bit, but it's just one big ache now. I've been stuck here for fifteen minutes not even able to hobble over to the kitchen to get some ice." he admitted dejectedly.
After giving him a reassuring pat on the shoulder, I got my uncle some ice before I sat back down.
"I know I push myself too far, but I don't know what else to do. It won't be long before it's just Ceri and Glade left living here, and Ethereal's health keeps getting worse the more she ages too. This damn house requires a ridiculous amount of maintenance, and the number of hands to help is always decreasing." Uncle Blaze mumbled again.
"You're not getting rid of me any time soon," I revealed, "Me deciding on a college or career this year- it's just not going to happen. Mom told me when I visited her today that it's alright if I delay a little as long as I get a part-time job and pay a bit of that as rent."
"Oh? Well, that does help." Uncle Blaze said in relieved surprise.
He gave me a grin, but was overcome with confusion when I frowned.
"Is it really that bad if I don't want to leave?" I began, "Mom thought I was just joking, but when I said to her that I was thinking about staying I meant it. There's obviously a social stigma about not leaving home, but if I get a job that could support me if I did move out than isn't that a whole lot different than some lazy slob living in the basement?"
"I don't see anything wrong with it." Uncle Blaze shrugged.
"Right?" I instantly latched onto his acceptance, "It's a giant, damn house as you just pointed out. You and mom need help running it. What's the point in buying another place just for me when there's more and plenty here too? Doesn't it make more sense to essentially pass it down to me instead of kicking all us kids out to leave it empty with you and mom until one of us has to come back to take care of mom when you eventually pass and she needs constant care?"
"Hey, you don't need to convince me, kid," Uncle Blaze chuckled, "I think it's fine if you stay. I'd actually really like it if you would. I was already thinking of what I could do to persuade you."
"You were?"
"Yup."
That gave me an idea.
"Okay then. I'll stay, but you have to answer my question." I bargained.
"Shoot."
"You have to tell me the actual truth of how your bad ankle became your bad ankle."
"Damn brat," Uncle Blaze laughed again, but he glanced up the stairs to make sure Cerise and Glade weren't coming down any time soon, "You really want to know?"
"I want to know."
"Alright then, but you have to believe me. I'm telling the truth here," he warned, "I never broke my ankle. It got shot."
"Shot?" I repeated, definitely not believing him in that first second but seeing that he was being honest in the ones that passed afterwards, "How?"
"When I was helping to rescue Ethereal." Uncle Blaze said almost smugly.
"You were involved with that?" I said in awe, "Was dad?"
"Maybe."
That was as good as yes for me.
"Now hush." Uncle Blaze commanded as I opened my mouth to discover more.
I wonder if he would have told me more. Uncle Blaze wasn't shushing me because he didn't want to say anything further, but because someone was approaching the front door. Wisp walked in several seconds later. His ankle apparently much better having that ice on it for just that short amount of time, Uncle Blaze joined me in standing up to greet him.
"Mom wanted me to pick up some stuff for her before I went to go visit her." my brother explained his appearance.
"Those books she wanted left out, right?" Uncle Blaze asked.
"Yup, and she's finally asked for her laptop too."
"Good. That means she's getting some life back in her."
"She was doing better when I visited her." I confirmed.
"Just the news I needed to hear."
"Speaking of-" Wisp started, but he quickly cut himself off.
"What?" Uncle Blaze wondered.
"Nothing." Wisp replied way too quickly.
"Why are you smiling like an absolute goof?" I noticed.
"I'm not..." Wisp denied.
The weird smile he had been wearing went flat for a moment, but he couldn't keep it up. Wisp was beaming brilliantly in a way I had never seen before.
"Alright," he caved, "I wanted to tell mom first, but I guess I can't help myself. Make sure you two act surprised later."
"Surprised at?" Uncle Blaze prodded.
"Paya told me this morning," Wisp took a deep breath, "We're going to be having a baby."
Both Uncle Blaze and I let out shocked noises, and Wisp's bright smile was quickly mirrored by the two of us.
"Honestly, I'm surprised this news hasn't come much sooner," Uncle Blaze remarked, "How far along is she?"
"Just over a month."
"I'm going to be an uncle." I spoke mostly to myself in amazement.
"I'm going to be a great-great uncle." Uncle Blaze pointed out.
"You know, this is going to be great timing. I was talking to mom about how she's eventually going to have so many grandchildren she won't know what to do, and now she's about to find out she's getting her first." I added.
"I shouldn't delay then." Wisp reasoned.
"I put those books by her laptop, so you're good to head right out." Uncle Blaze said.
He led my brother towards mom's room, and now it was my turn to stand there smiling like a goof. However, there was a hint of pain hiding behind that smile as well. My niece or nephew wouldn't just be mom's first grandchild. It would be dad's too. He never got to know about Glade. Wisp's child, any more children he might have, the children of the rest of my siblings, my children, our children's children- dad would never know them either. I remembered my wish to have time stop. To have all our lives halt to prevent the pain moving on and leaving our father behind in our lives would bring. To have him cease to grow as nothing more than a memory or person in a fading photograph. It was a hopeless wish.
Yet, as I listened to Wisp and Uncle Blaze chat about names and plans for a nursery, I refused to stop smiling. My recollection of Wisp's words that morning after dad disappeared was stronger than my desire for an unreachable dream. We had pulled through the pain. We had each other, and Wisp had done good on his promise to strive for happiness no matter what was thrown at us. I saw the reward of the most joyous kind of smile on his face, and I couldn't be anything but determined to find that same smile for myself.
"Seeing those two, it makes me wonder if Candy actually likes him as much as she acts like she does, or if she only started dating him to piss you off." he wondered.
"Candy did everything correct when she was with me. I was the one who screwed things up. I have no right to judge her in this case. If she's started dating him, then I have to believe what she feels is genuine."
"You know, I seriously don't get it," Azure said to me in confusion, "Why did you ignore what Blaze told you? I mean, you explained the situation easily enough to Midas and me. Why didn't you do the same with Candy?"
"It's not that I didn't listen. I'm just a fucking coward, alright? Each time I got Candy alone, I would freeze like crazy when I tried to have an honest discussion with her. The fact is that I simply couldn't bring myself to do it, and I received the consequence I deserved." I explained with a defeated, complacent shrug.
Like there had been no official declaration that we were dating, there had been no official word that Candy and I had broken up. Even with Uncle Blaze getting more and more pissed at me, I couldn't follow through on my promise. That meant the situation boiled down until I was neglecting and avoiding Candy entirely. She naturally wasn't going to put up with that. Candy never said anything about it to me, but the next time I saw her she was acting as if she hated my guts, which I'm sure she did. I deferred to her anger given that the mess was all my fault. We still hadn't spoken since, and that had been closer towards the end of summer. Then a week or two after homecoming I heard from various sources that Candy had begun dating the guy she walked by with just a moment ago.
"I won't get too on your case, because I have no idea how hard the problem was to face. I just wish it could have worked out with you two. It's a sad situation." Azure said.
"It does suck. I wish I could have handled it better too, but I'm doing what I can not to dwell on it much anymore. I'm just glad the worst is over so I can deal with the more pressing matters I have to tackle now."
"Right," Azure nodded sadly, "I'm sorry again about your grandmother."
"It's alright," I shook my head somberly, "We all knew it was coming given how fast her health went. Honestly, I was always a little shocked at how long she lasted. Grandma was so distraught when grandpa died no one thought she'd even make it through the year yet alone last years past him."
"At least they're together once more now."
"Yeah." I agreed slowly.
Having delayed long enough, I handed the keys to the car over to Azure so I could walk towards my destination. I actually ended up spotting Cerise and Glade in a school bus as they passed by. Only Glade noticed me, and we managed a quick wave before the bus was off down the street. My destination was the building right next door to the elementary. That would naturally be the hospital. It had been far too long since I had ever had to stop at the front desk to ask where I needed to go. As long as I had the room number, I could find my way to any part of the building. Upon reaching mom's room, I quieted my footsteps. She appeared to be sleeping, but I had to frown at the sight.
"Oh," I spoke softly when going over to her side showed me that she was actually awake, for her eyes opened when I came near, "Mom, if you want to take a nap you really should get under the covers."
"I will," she answered me softly as well, but her quiet voice was one of pain, "The nurse will be here to give me a check-up in a few minutes, so I got out of the covers so as to not fall back asleep."
"I see."
I took a seat on the edge of the bed. Mom didn't say anything. She didn't even look at me. I must admit, it was difficult for me to look at her. Grandpa's death had been hard for her, of course, but there had been something about grandma's passing that was absolutely destroying her. For lack of a better phrase, mom's locked gaze on the floor was dull and dead. The red around her eyes I knew to be from her crying and not from her illness. That she had gotten ill was a scary thing in itself. It really hadn't been germs or whatever that was giving her problems, but mom's grief had seriously hit her that hard that her body was throwing such a fit that a hospital stay was necessary.
"Want to talk?" I offered, knowing it was pointless to ask if she was alright.
"I..." mom mumbled miserably, "It...it just hurts, and it's terrifying, you know? I've always loathed the fact that I didn't get to live a normal childhood with my parents. Technically I knew them for the majority of my life, but it feels as if I only knew them for a short while. Now they're gone, and every second I didn't spend with them when I had the chance seems like a total waste."
I placed my hand on mom's knee. I wasn't sure what to say, but that didn't matter so much because she continued.
"I'm getting older. It's getting harder and harder to do what I once could. Everyone else is getting older too. Eden, Blaze, Rose, Jac...one by one they're going to pass away. I'll have to keep watching people die, and eventually I'll be all alone..."
I frowned hard at that. I was worried because I had never heard mom sound this crushingly defeated. I was indignant too, but I chose to ignore that emotion.
"Mom, you're not ever going to be alone. You'll have all your friends, and Wisp, Pris, Desi, Ceri, Glade, and I will always be there. We'll make so many grandchildren for you that you finally won't have enough rooms in the house to hold them all when we come to visit. You'll be surrounded by so much love you won't know what to do."
"And I look forward to that day," mom managed to crack the tiniest of smiles, "I know I have my friends. I know I have you kids, but that wasn't what I meant when I said I'll be alone..."
"What did you mean then?" I asked in confusion.
Seriously, what else could she have meant by that? How could mom think she would be alone if she would still be surrounded by family and friends? It took me a while to find the answer, which was strange because I was now acquainted with the feeling I'm sure she was getting at. I had people that cared about me, but the withdrawal of a certain person left me rather empty and lonely.
"You're talking about dad." I spoke my revelation.
Mom nodded weakly.
"It can be corny when they say your partner is your other half, but it truly feels as if I've only been a half person since Amaranth disappeared. I wonder if it would hurt less if I just knew what happened. Honestly, I would be glad to find out he's dead. It's what I think anyway, and it'd allow me to put my mind at peace. I could actually mourn him properly. I could stop having to pretend to have hope for the sake of the rest of your siblings. It's exhausting lying all the time."
"Anything I can do to help?" I offered.
At that, mom finally looked me in the eye. The edges of her mouth twitched into another hint of a smile.
"What I want from you is to get a grip on what you want for your future. You're already almost a quarter way through your last year of high school, Coal. You can't delay any longer." she spoke determinedly.
"You underestimate me," I laughed boastfully, eager to latch onto anything that might brighten the mood, "I've been honestly thinking too. Why do I need to leave the house? Perhaps it's best if I stay forever. Blaze is getting older. He'll be a decrepit and grouchy old man before we know it. You'll need someone else around to help you keep things in order."
Somehow, that did the trick. Mom scoffed amusedly, and she propped herself up normally.
"You'd better not let Blaze hear you saying that," she grinned before sighing, "But, about you staying...if you genuinely feel so averse about attending college until you know exactly what you want to strive for, then I won't force you to go. Holding off for a year won't hurt you, and college is seriously getting expensive."
"Really?" I questioned in excited disbelief.
"But-"
"And there it is." I sighed.
"If you do decide to stay, you have to get a part-time job."
"Well, that's not bad at all. I was already thinking of looking into getting one soon anyway."
"I'll also take out a certain chunk relative to how much you earn to cover the rent I'll be requiring you to pay."
"Rent?"
The word was foreign to my tongue in that moment.
"I think you putting a quarter of whatever you make each paycheck into a savings account is something I'll have you do as well." mom kept on going.
"You do know a minimum wage, part-time job doesn't exactly give you much money to begin with, right? With taxes, you taking rent, and me putting a quarter into savings, that'll barely leave me with anything." I explained in disbelief.
"You'll be left with about as much as you get now in allowance by my calculations." mom reasoned.
"And will I still be getting my allowance?" I asked.
Mom let out the loudest laugh I had heard from her in weeks.
"Yeah, okay, I get it. No need for that." I pouted in annoyed indignance.
"Welcome to the real world, baby boy." mom chuckled.
She motioned for me to sit down next to her once more. I was going to deny her at first, but I gave in to the hug and hair petting she offered. This was the most life I'd seen in her since grandma's passing. I could handle her poking fun at me a little, even if I wished the part about the rent and savings was just a joke.
The nurse came into the room a minute later. Mom was poked a bit and asked several questions. She was given some medicine before being told she would most likely be able to go home tomorrow or the day after. Mom reacted indifferently to the news, but I was definitely glad to hear it. Any time mom had to spend in the hospital was too much time for me. That afternoon wasn't nearly as bad as the past few afternoons had been though. Mom was willing to banter back and forth with me some more. We joked around, and I ran down to the hospital's cafe to get us some snacks. Mom even had enough energy to help me with a good portion of my homework. I grabbed a chair from the corner to sit by her and hold her hand as we watched some television. An hour and a half into my visit, mom grew exhausted once more. She snuggled herself under the covers properly. Her dreamland found her quickly.
"Night." I whispered softly, giving her a kiss on the forehead before grabbing my backpack and taking my leave.
It was such a gorgeous day out that I contemplated walking all the way home as I didn't have that homework to worry about anymore. However, I knew Uncle Blaze would be needing help with something around the house like he always did. Thus, it was bus time for me. I got a bit of a walk anyway as the road near the hospital was under construction. The bus stop closest to the building was temporarily closed thanks to that, so I had to go two blocks away to the next stop on the route I needed. I only managed to traverse one of those blocks before my breath caught, my heart seemed to tumble from the top of my throat down to the bottom of my stomach, and I wholly contemplated if I should turn and dash the other direction.
Unfortunately, doing that would have surely put me in an even worse position with the person walking towards me. Well, we were walking towards each other. It was horrible enough being in a lot of classes with Candy, but now I was being forced to awkwardly deal with if I should either look or not look her in the eye as we got closer.
I did the lone thing that made sense. Candy was still very much furious at me, and it was a fury I deserved. All I could do was continue to be subservient in her presence and let her decide what was the appropriate reaction to have. Candy's harsh gaze never moved off me the second she noticed me on the sidewalk. Figuring she would want nothing to do with me, I expected a tiny nod of acknowledgement would be safe before she let me go my way. However, Candy slowed and half stepped in front of me as we reached that reasonable distance between us.
"Hi, Candy." I said as genuinely as I could as it was clear this would not be a silent encounter.
"Hey, Coal." Candy spoke sharply and with such bitter, sarcastic enthusiasm it cut through my chest.
A moment of pause passed then. Candy was waiting for me to say something, I think. As I couldn't come up with a single thing that didn't seem to be dangerous words in the current situation, I kept my mouth shut.
"What are you still doing out here in the city so long after school got out? Shouldn't you be at home dragging your sisters all over or making up homework assignments?" Candy snapped.
"I..." I faltered, trying at first to apologize but only having the strength to say the truth, "I was visiting my mom. She's in the hospital again. My grandmother passed away recently, and the depression from her passing hit mom so hard it made her ill."
I didn't speak with the intention of spinning a hauntingly sad sob story in order to put Candy in a rough position where if she continued to berate me then she would be the bad guy here. I could tell that's what she was thinking I was trying to do in those seconds after I answered. It soon sank in that I wasn't playing a game. I had responded to a question, and that was it. Candy let out a sigh and stared at me much more sympathetically.
"I'm sorry, Coal," she spoke without any hint of malice now, "I had heard about your grandmother, but I hadn't heard about your mom. Your family...really does always have something to deal with, huh?"
"It certainly feels like it," I attempted to chuckle, but it came out just a smidge pitiful, "And, uh, thanks."
I cleared my throat, and the silence that followed was excruciatingly hard to handle. Candy's intentions of having a go at me had been thrown off, and neither of us knew where to go from here. My best idea was to remove myself from the situation.
"I was just on my way to the bus stop," I resumed explaining, "I know that you're not exactly...happy with me, so I'll let you get on your way before I mess up your afternoon."
With no response from Candy at that, I could only assume that was what she wanted. I gave her another tiny nod and the best smile I could muster before pressing on past her. Candy still said or did nothing. I covered twenty feet or so until she made up her mind on what she wanted.
"Coal, wait!" she called after me.
"You don't have to feel obligated to interact with me if you don't want to. You have every right to not have to bother with me again, and I'll understand perfectly." I told her honestly, although I did stop to wait as she dashed over.
An annoyed frown returned to her face, but it wasn't quite like the furious one she wore before. This was more of the old, familiar Candy that I knew how to converse with better.
"The only one who's obligated about anything here is you," she told me firmly, "Talk to me, Coal. Tell me what went wrong. You were obviously having trouble saying it before all those weeks ago, and I've been so bitchy with you since I haven't given you a chance to explain either. I want the answer now."
"I seriously did try to tell you..."
I instantly bit my tongue. No. I had no right to try and make excuses. I had drove our relationship into the ground because I couldn't bear the weight of an open conversation. How could I act as if I was the one deserving pity?
"What happened," I began once more, quietly and strained, "The feelings just faded. I liked you, but not even close to the way I had before. I hoped the feelings would come back if I gave it time, but when nothing changed I started to hide away because I was terrified of you finding out. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to hurt myself by accepting that I barely had enough feelings for you to sustain a flirty relationship let alone an actual one."
Candy gave me a strange look.
"You were also worried I would get upset and come to the conclusion that you had been hanging out with me merely so you could sleep with me." she stated confidently and then laughed at my stunned reaction, "You're still not being entirely honest with me, but I get why it has been hard to say it."
And at that, I couldn't say anything further.
"I met up with Holly a few days ago, and I was finally in the mood to hear a little from your side of the story. She told me pretty much everything," Candy revealed with a hint of a smile, "Just exactly how many people have you told everything to?"
"Only Holly and my uncle know that we slept together. Everyone else just got the part about my feelings changing."
"Well, that's fewer people than I've told."
"What?" I pouted in mildly horrified surprise, "How many people know?"
"Coral and Myrtle at first, but our other friend Beryl overheard us. There's my parents and-"
"Your parents?!" I balked.
"I didn't mean for them to find out, but dad noticed his missing condoms and put the pieces together. They already knew the truth, so how could I lie when they asked me about it?" Candy shrugged.
I let out a long groan.
Candy laughed, but it didn't take long before a serious expression washed over her face.
"So, that's just the simple truth then? Your feelings changed." she returned us to our original topic.
"It is," I sighed massively, "And I'm sorry I couldn't say it. I know my actions don't back it up, but I truly do care about you- romantically involved or not. It was ridiculously difficult rejecting Mimosa, and the thought of all those horrible feelings being intensified at having my relationship with you crumble to pieces had me forgetting who was actually being hurt the most."
"I know you care, Coal. You did a stupid, asshole-ish thing, but that never had me thinking you were a bad person. I knew you remained that person I admired underneath all the mess, and that's what made it all so much harder..."
"I'm sorry," I repeated, "I wish I could say that enough to have everything fix itself to the way it should be. I miss you."
"I miss you too, and I certainly don't hate you," Candy managed a pained smile, "But, I am still upset with you. I'm angry, hurt, and not yet ready to try reconnecting."
"I understand. I know well enough not to expect anything unless you tell me otherwise." I comforted softly.
"We'll be friends again someday," Candy promised sadly, "For now though, I think the best I can do is to stop giving you the death glare all the time. It's too exhausting keeping it up through all of our classes, and I don't think lingering on the anger like that is exactly helpful."
"Probably not."
We exchanged weak smiles once more. That was when I got the determination to ask a question before we went our ways and this moment of temporary friendship passed into forced distance.
"Do you regret it? S-sleeping with me, I mean? If you had known how things would turn out, would you still have done it?" I wondered.
My curiosity seemed to amuse Candy somehow. So much so that her smile shifted into something genuine.
"I guess I go both ways. Yes, I probably wouldn't have slept with you had I known how things would change, but I don't regret having slept with you."
"Really?" I asked, and too much relief broke through my voice because Candy laughed before shaking her head at me.
"Yes, really," she confirmed, "Things didn't work out for us, but in those moments things were working out for us. Everything was right then. I don't want to let the bad taint what I enjoyed. Okay, I don't exactly have anything to compare it against, but I get to be one of the girls who can say my first time was something wonderful. That's a pretty important thing. It almost makes me wonder if a certain someone was lying about being a virgin."
"No lies about that," I chuckled at the teasing, "I just happen to have an uncle who think sex needs to be talked about more openly. As he has slept with over three hundred women, he's made quite sure that my siblings and I were given the proper details about sex that our school doesn't really give us."
"Over three hundred? Damn," Candy said in mystified shock, "I guess I have to thank him for instructing you though. It really was good."
A blush burned my cheeks, and I got even more flustered when Candy smirked at me.
"It truly is such a shame we didn't work out," she sighed longingly as she looked up and down at me, her gaze lingering as it traveled down lower, "I wanted more than what I got."
"Excuse me? My eyes are up here," I folded my arms and wore a lop-sided grin, "Besides, aren't you dating someone else now? Sex with me should be the last thing on your mind, shouldn't it?"
"I'm just teasing." Candy scoffed, but she did immediately remove that lusting glint from her eyes.
"I don't really know your new guy, but I wish you and...what's-his-face all the best."
"His name's Cotton."
"So, you're...Cotton and Candy?" I joked.
"Shut up," Candy laughed despite herself, pushing my shoulder, "Anyway, Cotton's really nice. The guy has like no backbone whatsoever, but he's super intuitive. He's quiet and unassuming, but there's a lot of depth to him. He can empathize really well, he's surprisingly strong, he doesn't judge, and he has this subtle sense of humor that's quite brilliant. There's just this aura he has that lets you know you can be nothing other than yourself around him. Cotton's the kind of guy you can trust without fault."
I must admit, it was painful to stand there and see the admiration Candy showed me shine in her eyes as she talked about this schoolmate of mine. All the hints of thoughts Azure put in my mind about Candy having started to date someone else just to piss me off immediately vanished. Candy had moved on.
"He sounds great. I truly do wish you all the best." I reaffirmed gently.
"Thanks." Candy replied, and her softer voice signaled the recognition that we had just now cemented the end of what we had been.
"I...I really do need to get to the bus stop, or else I'll have to wait who knows how long until the next one comes around." I said.
"Yeah. Right. Sorry for keeping you," Candy spoke quietly, "I'll text you...eventually.."
"I'll be waiting."
With a wave from us both, that moment broke away. Candy continued down her path, and I continued down mine. The bus arrived just as I got to the stop, and I had the whole ride to reflect on the strange mixture of sadness, disappointment, and regret but also relief and closure swirling around in my chest. It was a puzzle of emotion I would keep working on for the next few days, but I had to take a break from it the second I walked in the door. Cerise and Glade were most likely upstairs, but Uncle Blaze was directly in my line of vision. He wore an expression of pain, and he nursed his bad ankle until he noticed my arrival. Then he rapidly put on a nonchalant air.
With a huff, I sat down next to him.
"What hurt it this time?" I asked with determination.
"I was just moving that old stuff of Ethereal's she wanted out of her room into the attic." Uncle Blaze mumbled.
"Okay, this isn't a joke anymore. I told you I would do that. Those attic stairs are way too steep. If you don't start accepting your limits, you are going to destroy that ankle of yours." I rebuked.
"I know." Uncle Blaze said slowly.
That was a first. My indignance was swept away by the unexpected admission from Uncle Blaze that he was finally giving in to reality. I received a sideways glance from him as he gingerly placed his ankle back on the ground and winced as he did. He then proceeded to lift his pant leg to show me the ankle was bound by an elastic bandage.
"It was helping for a bit, but it's just one big ache now. I've been stuck here for fifteen minutes not even able to hobble over to the kitchen to get some ice." he admitted dejectedly.
After giving him a reassuring pat on the shoulder, I got my uncle some ice before I sat back down.
"I know I push myself too far, but I don't know what else to do. It won't be long before it's just Ceri and Glade left living here, and Ethereal's health keeps getting worse the more she ages too. This damn house requires a ridiculous amount of maintenance, and the number of hands to help is always decreasing." Uncle Blaze mumbled again.
"You're not getting rid of me any time soon," I revealed, "Me deciding on a college or career this year- it's just not going to happen. Mom told me when I visited her today that it's alright if I delay a little as long as I get a part-time job and pay a bit of that as rent."
"Oh? Well, that does help." Uncle Blaze said in relieved surprise.
He gave me a grin, but was overcome with confusion when I frowned.
"Is it really that bad if I don't want to leave?" I began, "Mom thought I was just joking, but when I said to her that I was thinking about staying I meant it. There's obviously a social stigma about not leaving home, but if I get a job that could support me if I did move out than isn't that a whole lot different than some lazy slob living in the basement?"
"I don't see anything wrong with it." Uncle Blaze shrugged.
"Right?" I instantly latched onto his acceptance, "It's a giant, damn house as you just pointed out. You and mom need help running it. What's the point in buying another place just for me when there's more and plenty here too? Doesn't it make more sense to essentially pass it down to me instead of kicking all us kids out to leave it empty with you and mom until one of us has to come back to take care of mom when you eventually pass and she needs constant care?"
"Hey, you don't need to convince me, kid," Uncle Blaze chuckled, "I think it's fine if you stay. I'd actually really like it if you would. I was already thinking of what I could do to persuade you."
"You were?"
"Yup."
That gave me an idea.
"Okay then. I'll stay, but you have to answer my question." I bargained.
"Shoot."
"You have to tell me the actual truth of how your bad ankle became your bad ankle."
"Damn brat," Uncle Blaze laughed again, but he glanced up the stairs to make sure Cerise and Glade weren't coming down any time soon, "You really want to know?"
"I want to know."
"Alright then, but you have to believe me. I'm telling the truth here," he warned, "I never broke my ankle. It got shot."
"Shot?" I repeated, definitely not believing him in that first second but seeing that he was being honest in the ones that passed afterwards, "How?"
"When I was helping to rescue Ethereal." Uncle Blaze said almost smugly.
"You were involved with that?" I said in awe, "Was dad?"
"Maybe."
That was as good as yes for me.
"Now hush." Uncle Blaze commanded as I opened my mouth to discover more.
I wonder if he would have told me more. Uncle Blaze wasn't shushing me because he didn't want to say anything further, but because someone was approaching the front door. Wisp walked in several seconds later. His ankle apparently much better having that ice on it for just that short amount of time, Uncle Blaze joined me in standing up to greet him.
"Mom wanted me to pick up some stuff for her before I went to go visit her." my brother explained his appearance.
"Those books she wanted left out, right?" Uncle Blaze asked.
"Yup, and she's finally asked for her laptop too."
"Good. That means she's getting some life back in her."
"She was doing better when I visited her." I confirmed.
"Just the news I needed to hear."
"Speaking of-" Wisp started, but he quickly cut himself off.
"What?" Uncle Blaze wondered.
"Nothing." Wisp replied way too quickly.
"Why are you smiling like an absolute goof?" I noticed.
"I'm not..." Wisp denied.
The weird smile he had been wearing went flat for a moment, but he couldn't keep it up. Wisp was beaming brilliantly in a way I had never seen before.
"Alright," he caved, "I wanted to tell mom first, but I guess I can't help myself. Make sure you two act surprised later."
"Surprised at?" Uncle Blaze prodded.
"Paya told me this morning," Wisp took a deep breath, "We're going to be having a baby."
Both Uncle Blaze and I let out shocked noises, and Wisp's bright smile was quickly mirrored by the two of us.
"Honestly, I'm surprised this news hasn't come much sooner," Uncle Blaze remarked, "How far along is she?"
"Just over a month."
"I'm going to be an uncle." I spoke mostly to myself in amazement.
"I'm going to be a great-great uncle." Uncle Blaze pointed out.
"You know, this is going to be great timing. I was talking to mom about how she's eventually going to have so many grandchildren she won't know what to do, and now she's about to find out she's getting her first." I added.
"I shouldn't delay then." Wisp reasoned.
"I put those books by her laptop, so you're good to head right out." Uncle Blaze said.
He led my brother towards mom's room, and now it was my turn to stand there smiling like a goof. However, there was a hint of pain hiding behind that smile as well. My niece or nephew wouldn't just be mom's first grandchild. It would be dad's too. He never got to know about Glade. Wisp's child, any more children he might have, the children of the rest of my siblings, my children, our children's children- dad would never know them either. I remembered my wish to have time stop. To have all our lives halt to prevent the pain moving on and leaving our father behind in our lives would bring. To have him cease to grow as nothing more than a memory or person in a fading photograph. It was a hopeless wish.
Yet, as I listened to Wisp and Uncle Blaze chat about names and plans for a nursery, I refused to stop smiling. My recollection of Wisp's words that morning after dad disappeared was stronger than my desire for an unreachable dream. We had pulled through the pain. We had each other, and Wisp had done good on his promise to strive for happiness no matter what was thrown at us. I saw the reward of the most joyous kind of smile on his face, and I couldn't be anything but determined to find that same smile for myself.
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