A bizarre mixture of nostalgia, amusement, and sadness swirled together in my chest. It was a bit before lunch on a Friday about a month into the new school year. There was no school on this particular Friday as there was some kind of mandatory training going on for all the teachers in the district. That meant Glade was joining me as I babysat Wisp's daughter like I did most mornings. Her name was Tangerine, although everyone usually just called her Riny. A little over a year old, she was freaking adorable.
And having Glade play peek-a-boo with her while I sat nearby was what brought about the strange mixture of emotions within my chest. I was amused because both Glade's and Tangerine's giggles were hilarious. I was nostalgic because it felt like just yesterday I was sitting in almost the exact spot they were in now entertaining Cerise with a game of peek-a-boo, and I was sad naturally because of the silent yet devastating event that would unfold later that day. I tried to focus on the happier of the emotions, of course.
It wasn't a hard task. Tangerine's smile would get so huge when she was laughing it felt like her mouth took up half her face.
"Try keeping your hands over your face for a long time, but look through a crack in your fingers. Maybe Riny will try to do what Ceri always did by grabbing at my fingers. If she does, go at her then. Ceri got a kick out of it." I instructed my sister.
"Did you do that with me?" Glade wondered.
"A few times, but it always made you cry," I chuckled, "Peeking out at you when you were too close apparently terrified you. You would scream the whole house down."
Glade, expectedly, wasn't super keen on reacting to that kind of information. She focused her sights back on her niece and tried my suggestion. It took a while, but Tangerine did eventually scoot forward to reach for Glade's fingers. Glade popped out at her then, and Tangerine thankfully took after Cerise. She laughed so hard for so long I began to fear we'd broken her.
However, that new kind of game quickly tired Tangerine out. She ditched Glade to crawl into my lap. Having aching muscles after sitting on the floor for quite some time, I gathered her in my arms as I stood. I wasn't even halfway up yet when she spoke an explosion of babbles at me. Tangerine was a talker, although the only real word she had said so far was 'now.'
"Yeah? What is it?" I asked her in the pause she left after I found my footing.
Tangerine stared at me blankly for several seconds, but more incomprehensible babbling then followed.
"You don't say?"
"She's not really saying anything." Glade giggled at me.
"I know, but she's trying to speak. Even if you can't understand what they're saying, you're supposed to encourage babies to speak and show them the proper way to do it by replicating a normal conversation," I explained before adding, "Talking in a 'baby voice' is actually extremely counterproductive in teaching children how to talk too."
"Oh." Glade acknowledged inquisitively.
At that, Tangerine glanced between me and my sister, pointed at Glade, and rambled off some random sounds at me once more.
"See? She saw that I was speaking to you, and she's attempting to add on to that." I pointed out.
Tangerine was determined to be handsy with her learning. Her fingers suddenly assaulted my lips, and she got a big pull on the bottom one in that brief instant before I drew my head back. My attempt at retaliating went poorly. The little imp snatched my finger into her mouth when I went to poke it! With Tangerine having used my fingers to gnaw on when she was teething, the small bite was hardly anything to blink at. It got both her and Glade laughing madly again too.
"Wisp and Paya should have named you Shark." I teased my niece.
"Speak of the devil." Glade instantly said.
The front door had started to open without me noticing. Glade rushed over to give Wisp a huge hug before skipping off her own way. I was left to handle Tangerine, who seriously tried to leap out of my arms upon seeing her father. She was easily kept contained, and Wisp shook his head while smiling as he retrieved her.
"Thanks as always. I've really been needing to get some drawing done, but it's next to impossible when it's just me looking after her while Paya's at work." Wisp said.
"No problem. I'd say that I get it, but babysitting Riny has made me quite sure I don't want kids yet for, hmm...maybe a million years?" I joked.
Wisp laughed along, but what he did next had my smile sliding right off my face.
"How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to pay me." I rejected the several bills my brother pulled from his pocket.
"I know I don't have to, but I am going to keep doing it," Wisp spoke determinedly, "If you're old enough to pay rent, albeit to your mother, then you're enough of an adult for me to treat you as one who deserves to be compensated for the services he provides."
"I'm family. Not some high schooler down the street."
"I know. That's why I'm only paying you a crappy fifteen dollars." Wisp smirked.
"Shh!" I hushed, hurriedly covering Tangerine's ears, "You know she's getting to the point where she'll start repeating everything you say."
"Then take the money or else I'll keep saying it." Wisp warned.
"Fine, fine." I huffed.
I snatched the money because I did actually really want it.
The bills were stuffed into my own pocket right as the front door was opened again. Let's just say I was not the happiest upon seeing the outfit my sister was wearing.
"Looks like you passed the test for your new belt." I said with fake enthusiasm.
"Yup. My teacher said I did everything perfectly. He told me I could make it to the next belt by the end of this year if I keep this pace up." Cerise explained proudly.
"Yay."
Dread drenched my voice. Wisp lightly smacked me on the back.
"This is great news." he encouraged her normally.
"Want to see the new move I learned the other day?" she offered.
"Yes."
"No."
Wisp's answer overlapped with mine. My brother gave me a look, but he didn't know the kind of terror I had been living with ever since Cerise started taking martial arts lessons.
That terror came from me being Cerise's punching bag, essentially. She had frightened me with her unusual strength when she was younger, but now that she was getting older and learning how to actually use that strength in an organized manner I was scared out of my mind. I swore my sister's bones were made out of metal. Even when she wasn't trying to inflict pain, or at least claimed to be, she would squeeze me in a way too tight hug or give me a pat on the arm that felt like a full on punch. It surely looked pitiful, but I didn't hesitate on leaping back out of the way and blocking my face with my arms when Cerise suddenly erupted from her prepared stance into a quick series of spins before she launched her foot at my head. Her foot hadn't returned to the floor yet when she burst out laughing. Frustratingly, Uncle Blaze, Wisp, and even Tangerine laughed along.
"Oh, please. Like I would kick you in the face like that." Cerise scoffed at me.
"Excuse me for not believing you as you have kicked me in the face before!" I immediately reminded her.
"That was an accident."
"And accidents happen all the time." I retorted in a low voice of warning.
Uncle Blaze got a call on his phone, so he wandered off to the side to take it. Tangerine, having gotten riled up from Cerise's demonstration, was bouncing with such intensely in Wisp's arms that he said he needed to get her in his car and home before she could get any worse. He said his goodbyes. It was just Cerise and I then left standing in the entrance way.
"You're such a scaredy cat." she teased.
"You're too energetic," I chided, "Forgive me if I'm not exactly fond of having to defend myself from your punches and kicks every time you walk into the room. Can't we just interact without you having the need to 'practice' on me all the time?"
"You say that, but how else am I supposed to get better if I don't have a sparring partner?" Cerise smirked, "Besides, if you don't like it, maybe you should move out of the house. You're already twenty."
"Hey, it's partly my house. It will be eventually anyway," I mumbled that second bit, "I'm the one who's most interested in inheriting it, so mom has marked me down for that."
"Then you're simply going to have to get used to helping me improve if you refuse to leave. I'm the one who has no choice but to live here, and I'm not going to deny myself the opportunity to better myself because you don't want to learn how to block." Cerise only continued to taunt.
"I'm going to work." I dismissed her, sighing and rolling my eyes.
None of the suggestions Prism and Desire wrote down for me that day I met Candy on the beach went anywhere, but one of Prism's suggestions did stick with me. I picked up at part-time job at Mr. Mosaic's bookstore during winter vacation of my senior year of high school, and I had been working there ever since.
"Hey, Umber." I greeted my co-worker when I arrived.
Umber was Mr. Mosaic's son, and he was the one I most often worked with.
"Hey, Coal. I'm glad it's finally time for your shift to start. I really need to get upstairs and start sorting through that new shipment we got in," he greeted in return, "I'll be up there for a while if you need me. If I'm not, then I'll have moved into the back room to go through all the receipts."
"Got it." I nodded.
Umber went up the stairs. I clocked in, grabbed a book, took a seat at one of the registers, and began my shift. Working at Mr. Mosaic's bookstore was a dream for any book nerd who wanted a job. The store was busy enough to keep the place open without worrying about going into the red, but there was hardly ever such a crazy influx of customers that I had to be serving them without stop for hours on end. That usually only happened when the store hosted a poetry or reading event, which was a once or twice a month thing. Otherwise, I sat down, read, stared out the frosty windows that made me often think it was still winter, or daydreamed while I waited at the register or answered the occasional question.
That day was a typical day, even right down to the same regular customers coming in at their normal times. Umber constantly teased me about how the number of girls coming into the store always increased during my shifts. It was true most of the customers I got were female, but with me naturally not knowing who came in when I wasn't working I had no information against which to compare his claims. What I did know was that I did have a few 'admirers'- a group of elderly women in a book club who fake flirted with me when they came in. It had definitely been weird at first, but now it was genuine, harmless friendly fun. It certainly brightened up what could often grow rather boring as well.
Having so little to do meant the job could indeed become boring incredibly quickly. It was why Umber and I often fought over who would deal with the new stock and who would run the desk. The former was the more interesting of the two, and as he had seniority and was the son of the owner I typically got stuck with the dull option. I took to cleaning the door to the outside area where the readings were done to give myself something to do.
"Ah, m'boy. What are you doing?" a familiar voice spoke to me as I finished up the task.
"Just doing my job, Mr. M." I smiled at my boss.
"But you don't need to come in on your day off." Mr. Mosaic frowned at me.
"I do work today. It's Friday." I reminded him gently.
"Is it? I could have sworn..." he mumbled as his stare went blank before a bright spark reappeared in his eyes, "Oh, so it is. You're such a smart boy, Am. This is why we need you around."
Mr. Mosaic had few physical health problems, but his mind...well, let's just say age had not been kind to it. Some days he knew who I was, but most of the time the reality he saw was the reality of the past. He was convinced I was dad, and it was not worth the effort to try and explain the truth. It was pretty amusing playing along as well.
"You know, you haven't brought that girl of yours in here for a while," Mr. Mosaic continued, "Oh heavens, what was her name name again? Mellow?"
"Meadow." I corrected.
"Yes! That's it- Meadow. Sweet girl. Smart one too. I truly like her." he spoke proudly as if she was his own granddaughter.
"I'm quite fond of her myself." I said, holding back a massive grin.
"I bet you are," Mr. Mosaic chuckled, and then he leaned in closer and softened his voice ever so slightly, "Seriously, boy, don't you let go of that girl. I've met a lot of ladies in all my years, and she's one of the very best kind. Stick with her and you'll have an amazing life. She'll make some incredibly beautiful babies for you too, no doubt."
"I believe it." I agreed.
I couldn't help myself from laughing then.
We were interrupted by another familiar person.
"Playing matchmaker again, dad?" Mr. Mosaic's daughter, Daffodil, who had come in with him, walked over.
"Just saying what I see with these eyes of mine." he answered jovially.
"If only you knew who you were trying to pair up..." she whispered in amusement so quietly that he couldn't hear her.
"Hello, Daff." I greeted.
"Hello, Coal," she responded before looking around, "Is Umber upstairs?"
"Yup. He's working on getting the new shipment put away."
"Great. Dad, why don't you go help him?"
"A most brilliant idea," Mr. Mosaic accepted, "I bet that's the shipment of Amongst the Fires. With the movie version of it being such a hit, it's going to be difficult keeping the book version on the shelves."
He walked off eagerly. Neither Daffodil or I thought it best to tell him the Amongst the Fire series and its movies had come out about twenty-five years ago now. Mr. Mosaic would forget by the time he got upstairs anyway.
When he was out of sight, Daffodil turned back to me.
"Sorry about him." she apologized.
"No, don't be. I seriously don't mind. He keeps thing lively. I'm sure humoring him is nothing like what you and Umber have to go through with him on a daily basis." I reassured.
"It can be difficult, yes" Daffodil admitted, fiddling her fingers but giving me an amused look, "You helping out here at the shop is seriously a blessing. That offer of a full-time position is always available to you, you know. There would also be no problem if you wanted to start dabbling your hand in running the shop entirely too."
"It's not that I'm against the idea, but..." I mirrored her amusement.
Daffodil and Umber loved their dad's shop, but it wasn't their calling in life. They had been troopers by working here after Mr. Mosaic's mind went despite them having other jobs. The two of them were constantly searching for someone they were comfortable with who was reliable enough to pass the shop on to, and I was a prime candidate for that once I got a bit more experience under my belt.
"It's something I'll consider, but," I spoke more seriously now, "It's just...I don't feel as if I can work full-time right now. Those few hours are quite crucial to me."
"I know they are, which is why I don't mean to push. Just remind." Daffodil acknowledged kindly.
"You sure you aren't interested in me setting up a meeting with you and my Uncle Sap? He said he'd have no problem getting together a team for this place." I offered.
"I'd like to not go that route just yet. I have nothing against Sap and Purity, but I'd like this bookstore to remain one of the family shops that stay out of the little Spring empire of businesses they've got steadily taking over the city." Daffodil denied with a hint of teasing.
"Got 'cha." I chuckled.
Daffodil went upstairs to join her brother and father. I went back to tending the desk. A small influx of afternoon customers prevented me from becoming terribly bored again, and before I knew it my shift was over. I grabbed a quick bite to eat before making my way towards a place I hated that I had to go to. What made it worse was that my trips to the hospital were an everyday occurrence, and they were where I spent those crucial hours of mine.
Mom's room was on the top floor at the end of the hallway. It was one of the rare rooms for a single occupant. Mom had been switched to shared rooms several times, but her health fell even further than it already had as soon as she had to spend time with someone else who was sick as well. It was never one thing with her anymore. Something would be going on, and as soon as she started to recover another illness or infection jumped on her to add to the problem. It was a painful cycle that had been going on for almost a year and a half now. Another horrible case of pneumonia had started it off, and it looked like there was no stopping it. Mom's body had no time to recover. No time to build up in strength or defense. The weaker and weaker she grew, the more I forgot what it was like to have her home. It had already been three weeks since the last time she'd been able to sleep in her own bed.
When I saw the lights off in her room as I approached her door, I knew she would be sleeping now. It was mom's current favorite pastime.
While I contemplated getting closer just to read the machines to see how she was doing, I kept quiet and made my way to the couch in the room. I didn't even bother turning on the lights.
"I guess I should get comfortable." I whispered to myself.
I spread myself out on the couch. Mom never took naps anymore that didn't last for at least five hours. I had no idea how long she'd been sleeping, and I had no clue when she would wake up. I could have worked a full shift, and she would be none the wiser. Still, I wanted to be here. There were days when she was awake as could be. She would be just as bored as I was then. Several hours of little to do in a quiet bookstore seamlessly flowed into a long stretch of little to do in a quiet hospital. I gave getting through another chapter in my book a go, but my brain was tired of the activity. Numbing it with pointless games on my phone was slightly better. I fell asleep myself on that couch, and that was the best part of my wait.
At one point after I woke, I took a walk up and down the hallways. I chatted with a few of the nurses I knew, and I helped collect a little boy who had snuck out of the children's wing in order to return him to his room. All of that took up, maybe, half an hour? It felt like five minutes to me. I seriously felt as if the inside of my head was turning to mush. Still, I refused to leave. I couldn't leave. Mom had had a bunch of tests yesterday. I had barely gotten to see her let alone talk to her. I wanted to see her awake and hear how she as doing from her own mouth. Well, what I truly wanted was her home, but I would take anything I could get.
"Coal?"
The world had grown dark when I finally heard my name being said. I had stood there standing by the window watching the light of the sun fade to my left as the glittering world of stars enveloped the sky to my right. However, I instantly snapped away from the scene when that one, soft syllable was uttered.
Mom gingerly sat up. I hated that I had to think to myself of how much I hated it when she sat up. It was a selfish wish, but I would rather she remain under the covers forever. Her strained face holding back pain appeared gaunt often enough, but seeing how thin and weak mom's body had become was more terrifying than Cerise's martial arts. She'd been skinny to begin with, but there was no longer an inch of fat left anywhere on her body.
And she was only getting worse.
"Why are you here?" mom asked me in the soft, struggling, slightly scratchy tone that was now her voice.
"I'm visiting you." I simply answered the obvious.
"Have you been here since you got out of work?" she wondered reluctantly.
"Of course."
"Coal Blazing Vivid," she sighed exasperatedly, "How many times do I need to say it? I don't want you here if I'm sleeping. You've wasted your whole afternoon. You should have gone home."
"Here, let me get the lights." I ignored her.
I suppressed a smile upon hearing her frustrated scoff. This was hardly the first time this kind of argument had come up. Even the stern stare mom sent my way didn't phase me. I focused on her instead.
"Should you be getting out from underneath the covers?" I asked as she slowly laid herself on top of her blankets.
"I am allowed to move about. I'm not some crazy loon in an insane asylum. The nurses know well enough that I understand my limits," she retorted with a raised brow, "Some of the ones tending to me now are the ones who looked after me when I was a child. I've been lying still for far too long, and it's incredibly hot under all these layers."
"A simple 'yes' would have done the trick." I teased.
That got a good eye roll out of her.
"I hope you at least did something useful while you were waiting for me to wake up. Looking at colleges perhaps?" she inquired- mostly chastisingly because she was aware the chance of me doing such a thing was abysmally low.
"Nah," I shrugged dismissively, "I read for a bit, beat Desi's high score on Ninja Fruity Swipe, took a nap, and walked around for a bit."
Expecting mom to get lightly annoyed with me like normal, I wasn't sure what to do when she flung herself back onto her pillow with a desperately sad sobbing sigh. Make no mistake that she wasn't still annoyed, but something was definitely different today. I wondered if she had gotten bad news this morning. The doctor had been saying he would be able to tell her if she would be able to go home soon. Perhaps mom would have to stay longer than planned. Perhaps her illness had simply been causing extra problems for her. I never got the answer.
"Sit." mom patted the space of mattress next to her.
The second I moved closer she grabbed my one arm, lightly placed her fingers against my cheek, and stared up at me intensely.
"Something has to change." she spoke determinedly.
"What do you mean?"
"You have to move on with your life," mom frowned at me, "You're going to get stuck if you don't push forward soon. Go to college. Get a proper job. Find another girlfriend. Anything. I'm sick and tired of you doing nothing but babysitting Riny in the morning, working in the afternoon, and then wasting your youth away visiting me when half the time it wouldn't make a difference if you were here or not."
"I'm only twenty," I forced a smile, "I've got plenty of time to make things work. You need me right now."
"You've already been saying that for two years. How much longer are you going to use that as an excuse? If you're not careful, you're going to blink and find that you're filled with nothing but regrets. You'd give anything to have back all the time and opportunities you let walk right past you."
"So dramatic. You've been watching way too many soap operas." I laughed weakly.
The hint of humor I was trying to inject into the conversation just wasn't happening. The frustration disappeared from mom's expression, but that was because the lightest pools of tears collected in her eyes instead.
"Why won't you take this seriously?" she wondered despondently.
"Mom, you don't have to worry," I promised, taking her hand against my cheek and holding it, "I don't mind how things are."
"That's not the same as being happy, and it's so easy to tell that you aren't. How could you be? You don't even get to see your friends anymore."
"I'm fine."
Mom let out the most dramatic exhale I'd ever heard. She truly had been watching too much daytime television.
"So damn stubborn." she shook her head, but the faintest of reluctant smiles graced her lips.
"I got that from my mom." I jibed, bending over to kiss her on the forehead.
"If you insist on being here, at least make yourself useful and get us some chips from the store downstairs. I'm done with hospital food. I want greasy and salty." she demanded.
"My two favorite things in food." I added, grinning wide.
"And when you get back we're going to talk some more about you going to school."
There went most of that smile.
The chips were hardly enough to satisfy my hunger. I planned on having dinner with mom, but, in addition to visitor hours ending, she kicked me out of her room. There was no choice left but to head home. Uncle Blaze and Cerise had been kind enough to keep dinner waiting for me, but that was because it was Uncle Blaze's night to cook. We always ate late on those nights as it took the man forever to get anything done as he would screw everything up catastrophically if he didn't watch himself like a hawk. I wasn't really in the mood for the salad he made, but I was famished enough that I ate without complaints. There wasn't exactly anything else to eat either. Mom having always done the cooking had spoiled us too greatly. We weren't the best at fending for ourselves without her around.
"So, can I go?" Cerise begged Uncle Blaze.
Dinner that night was a quiet affair. I didn't have much to talk about, Uncle Blaze was clearly tired, and so that left only Cerise who spent most of her air explaining why she should be allowed to attend a last second sleepover her friends decided to have. Glade was already at one her friends had prepared a week ago.
"If you can get one of her parents or one of your friends' parents to pick you up and drop you off, fine." Uncle Blaze caved.
"Awesome!" Cerise exclaimed in delight, "Clematis already said her parents are good to pick me up and bring them with her when they bring her down. I'll go get ready!"
She didn't bother to give her dirty dishes on the table a second thought. Cerise packed quickly, and her ride was at the door before Uncle Blaze and I finished eating.
"Do you mind, kid?" Uncle Blaze requested, motioning with his head towards the leftovers and dishes, "I've got some stuff that I really need to do."
"No, no, you go ahead. I've got it. You did the preparation, so it's only fair that I do the cleanup."
"Thanks."
Uncle Blaze really was something else. The counters he had used to make that simple salad were an absolute mess. The cleanup would have been rather simple if not for that. Scooping the leftovers into plastic containers and dumping the dishes into the dishwasher was a two minute job. Scrubbing the junk off the counter tops gave my arm a good workout. However, I would have gladly cleaned for an hour. As soon as I rinsed the soap out of the cloth I was using, I returned to facing the same problem I faced at work. The house was absolutely silent. All the life and noise I associated with it growing up was steadily flowing away as everyone was growing up. The backyard full of toys and playground equipment was all but ignored except for when Riny was over. There was no one to talk to with Uncle Blaze being busy. There was nowhere for me to go.
Trudging up to my room, I pulled out my phone. I won't deny that I got in trouble a few times in high school for having it out when I shouldn't. The constant buzzing from the conversations I had with my friends was more distracting than I should have let it be. Yet, I would have loved to have that kind of distraction again. Anytime my phone buzzed I whipped it out of my pocket a little too fast. Almost always I would sigh a bit as the vibration would be nothing else but a notification sent from one of the games I had installed. I stared at the screen now, and there wasn't even one of those to greet me.
That's why I took the initiative. There were unanswered texts from Azure I responded to, but no quick replies came. So I took to going down the list and calling. Midas didn't pick up. Azure didn't either. I got Holly's voicemail too, and the call to Mimosa went straight to voicemail as well without even ringing. That didn't give me much hope when I selected Rosemary's number. I inhaled sharply when I heard a click.
"Hey, Coal." she answered after two rings.
"Hey, Mary. How are you?"
"I'm alright. Did you need something?"
The way she said that and didn't wonder how I was doing let me in on the fact that her time was limited. Rosemary sounded rushed.
"Not anything in particular. I haven't really been able to get in contact with you the past couple days, so I figured I'd call to see how you were doing." I explained, daring to be optimistic.
"I'm sorry about that, Coal. Mom warned me I scheduled way too many classes, and she was right. I can barely keep up," she said, stress and guilt in her voice, "And, I can't really talk now. I have my night class tonight. We're on a five minute break, and it's about to end. I can see the professor walking back towards the room."
"Ah, right. I forgot about your night classes."
"I really am sorry." Rosemary apologized.
"It's fine. You do what you gotta do.
"I'll call you tomorrow."
"Sounds good. Have a good night, Mary."
"You too."
She ended the call before I could bring the phone away from my ear.
I stood there in the quiet unsure of what to do. It was way too early to go to bed. I couldn't even busy myself with a long shower as I had taken one that morning. Pacing about pointlessly for a few minutes gave my body tired of sitting something to do, but my mind wasn't satisfied with that. I made my way over to Uncle Blaze's room instead to see what he was working on. I would gladly help him out if he needed it or do another chore if he had something in mind. Unfortunately, my uncle was also unavailable.
"Conked out at 8 in the evening. You're such an old man." I scoffed in amusement upon seeing him totally off in dreamland.
So much for him having important stuff to do.
I turned off his lights for him before being forced to head back to my room. The silence of my solitude truly started to bother me. I plomped myself into the chair at my desk, yet I abruptly halted before I could scoot in. So, this was it, huh? Another Friday night by myself. Another evening cooped up in my room mindlessly playing videos games pitifully keeping an eye out for those rare instances when Midas or Azure would pop online so we could play together. I wondered what those two usually did with their weekends over there in college-land. I knew Holly was in the dance group at her school. They practiced from dawn till dusk as far as I was aware, because that's all Holly ever said she was doing when I did hear back from her. Rosemary was always in class. Mimosa was simply forgetful. I was a little miffed at her. I had expected she would stay home too instead of moving on to higher education. That had been her plan- live at home and open her little bakery business. Then she found a culinary school she adored, and she was doing quite well despite the challenges she faced.
My fingers fiddled with the wood of the chair while my gaze switched from being stuck on the floor to be stuck on the computer screen. I had no desire to turn the machine on. What I wanted was for time to reverse back to high school. Back to those Friday nights and weekends where I would rarely be home. Then I could ignore mom's words lingering in my ears. Two years had gone, and I had achieved nothing. Even if I started college as soon as possible, I would be far behind anyone my age. I gritted my teeth. Why was mom so smart? Here was the 'blink' she warned me of, and I couldn't ignore regret after regret that washed over me. Look at how much time I had wasted. Look at everything I had let pass me by.
Shaking my head furiously, I snatched my phone. Then I laughed miserably at myself at my desire to hear any familiar voice. To have the illusion that someone was close.
"This is pathetic." I scoffed.
Still, I dialed that number. The number for the phone mom continued to pay the bill for even though its owner hadn't used it in years. I barely breathed as the call rang and rang until the voicemail activated.
"Hey there! You've reached Amaranth Vivid! I'm either unavailable or one of my kids has stolen my phone again to play Puzzle Pieces, so go ahead and leave a message. I'll get back to you as soon as I'm free or as soon as I can recover what's mine. Talk to you then!"
A smile mixed with a grimace as nostalgia, amusement, and sadness hit my chest. I listened to the automatic message telling me the voicemail was full before shaking my head, sighing heavily, and calling dad's number again.
"Looks like you passed the test for your new belt." I said with fake enthusiasm.
"Yup. My teacher said I did everything perfectly. He told me I could make it to the next belt by the end of this year if I keep this pace up." Cerise explained proudly.
"Yay."
Dread drenched my voice. Wisp lightly smacked me on the back.
"This is great news." he encouraged her normally.
"Want to see the new move I learned the other day?" she offered.
"Yes."
"No."
Wisp's answer overlapped with mine. My brother gave me a look, but he didn't know the kind of terror I had been living with ever since Cerise started taking martial arts lessons.
That terror came from me being Cerise's punching bag, essentially. She had frightened me with her unusual strength when she was younger, but now that she was getting older and learning how to actually use that strength in an organized manner I was scared out of my mind. I swore my sister's bones were made out of metal. Even when she wasn't trying to inflict pain, or at least claimed to be, she would squeeze me in a way too tight hug or give me a pat on the arm that felt like a full on punch. It surely looked pitiful, but I didn't hesitate on leaping back out of the way and blocking my face with my arms when Cerise suddenly erupted from her prepared stance into a quick series of spins before she launched her foot at my head. Her foot hadn't returned to the floor yet when she burst out laughing. Frustratingly, Uncle Blaze, Wisp, and even Tangerine laughed along.
"Oh, please. Like I would kick you in the face like that." Cerise scoffed at me.
"Excuse me for not believing you as you have kicked me in the face before!" I immediately reminded her.
"That was an accident."
"And accidents happen all the time." I retorted in a low voice of warning.
Uncle Blaze got a call on his phone, so he wandered off to the side to take it. Tangerine, having gotten riled up from Cerise's demonstration, was bouncing with such intensely in Wisp's arms that he said he needed to get her in his car and home before she could get any worse. He said his goodbyes. It was just Cerise and I then left standing in the entrance way.
"You're such a scaredy cat." she teased.
"You're too energetic," I chided, "Forgive me if I'm not exactly fond of having to defend myself from your punches and kicks every time you walk into the room. Can't we just interact without you having the need to 'practice' on me all the time?"
"You say that, but how else am I supposed to get better if I don't have a sparring partner?" Cerise smirked, "Besides, if you don't like it, maybe you should move out of the house. You're already twenty."
"Hey, it's partly my house. It will be eventually anyway," I mumbled that second bit, "I'm the one who's most interested in inheriting it, so mom has marked me down for that."
"Then you're simply going to have to get used to helping me improve if you refuse to leave. I'm the one who has no choice but to live here, and I'm not going to deny myself the opportunity to better myself because you don't want to learn how to block." Cerise only continued to taunt.
"I'm going to work." I dismissed her, sighing and rolling my eyes.
None of the suggestions Prism and Desire wrote down for me that day I met Candy on the beach went anywhere, but one of Prism's suggestions did stick with me. I picked up at part-time job at Mr. Mosaic's bookstore during winter vacation of my senior year of high school, and I had been working there ever since.
"Hey, Umber." I greeted my co-worker when I arrived.
Umber was Mr. Mosaic's son, and he was the one I most often worked with.
"Hey, Coal. I'm glad it's finally time for your shift to start. I really need to get upstairs and start sorting through that new shipment we got in," he greeted in return, "I'll be up there for a while if you need me. If I'm not, then I'll have moved into the back room to go through all the receipts."
"Got it." I nodded.
Umber went up the stairs. I clocked in, grabbed a book, took a seat at one of the registers, and began my shift. Working at Mr. Mosaic's bookstore was a dream for any book nerd who wanted a job. The store was busy enough to keep the place open without worrying about going into the red, but there was hardly ever such a crazy influx of customers that I had to be serving them without stop for hours on end. That usually only happened when the store hosted a poetry or reading event, which was a once or twice a month thing. Otherwise, I sat down, read, stared out the frosty windows that made me often think it was still winter, or daydreamed while I waited at the register or answered the occasional question.
That day was a typical day, even right down to the same regular customers coming in at their normal times. Umber constantly teased me about how the number of girls coming into the store always increased during my shifts. It was true most of the customers I got were female, but with me naturally not knowing who came in when I wasn't working I had no information against which to compare his claims. What I did know was that I did have a few 'admirers'- a group of elderly women in a book club who fake flirted with me when they came in. It had definitely been weird at first, but now it was genuine, harmless friendly fun. It certainly brightened up what could often grow rather boring as well.
Having so little to do meant the job could indeed become boring incredibly quickly. It was why Umber and I often fought over who would deal with the new stock and who would run the desk. The former was the more interesting of the two, and as he had seniority and was the son of the owner I typically got stuck with the dull option. I took to cleaning the door to the outside area where the readings were done to give myself something to do.
"Ah, m'boy. What are you doing?" a familiar voice spoke to me as I finished up the task.
"Just doing my job, Mr. M." I smiled at my boss.
"But you don't need to come in on your day off." Mr. Mosaic frowned at me.
"I do work today. It's Friday." I reminded him gently.
"Is it? I could have sworn..." he mumbled as his stare went blank before a bright spark reappeared in his eyes, "Oh, so it is. You're such a smart boy, Am. This is why we need you around."
Mr. Mosaic had few physical health problems, but his mind...well, let's just say age had not been kind to it. Some days he knew who I was, but most of the time the reality he saw was the reality of the past. He was convinced I was dad, and it was not worth the effort to try and explain the truth. It was pretty amusing playing along as well.
"You know, you haven't brought that girl of yours in here for a while," Mr. Mosaic continued, "Oh heavens, what was her name name again? Mellow?"
"Meadow." I corrected.
"Yes! That's it- Meadow. Sweet girl. Smart one too. I truly like her." he spoke proudly as if she was his own granddaughter.
"I'm quite fond of her myself." I said, holding back a massive grin.
"I bet you are," Mr. Mosaic chuckled, and then he leaned in closer and softened his voice ever so slightly, "Seriously, boy, don't you let go of that girl. I've met a lot of ladies in all my years, and she's one of the very best kind. Stick with her and you'll have an amazing life. She'll make some incredibly beautiful babies for you too, no doubt."
"I believe it." I agreed.
I couldn't help myself from laughing then.
We were interrupted by another familiar person.
"Playing matchmaker again, dad?" Mr. Mosaic's daughter, Daffodil, who had come in with him, walked over.
"Just saying what I see with these eyes of mine." he answered jovially.
"If only you knew who you were trying to pair up..." she whispered in amusement so quietly that he couldn't hear her.
"Hello, Daff." I greeted.
"Hello, Coal," she responded before looking around, "Is Umber upstairs?"
"Yup. He's working on getting the new shipment put away."
"Great. Dad, why don't you go help him?"
"A most brilliant idea," Mr. Mosaic accepted, "I bet that's the shipment of Amongst the Fires. With the movie version of it being such a hit, it's going to be difficult keeping the book version on the shelves."
He walked off eagerly. Neither Daffodil or I thought it best to tell him the Amongst the Fire series and its movies had come out about twenty-five years ago now. Mr. Mosaic would forget by the time he got upstairs anyway.
When he was out of sight, Daffodil turned back to me.
"Sorry about him." she apologized.
"No, don't be. I seriously don't mind. He keeps thing lively. I'm sure humoring him is nothing like what you and Umber have to go through with him on a daily basis." I reassured.
"It can be difficult, yes" Daffodil admitted, fiddling her fingers but giving me an amused look, "You helping out here at the shop is seriously a blessing. That offer of a full-time position is always available to you, you know. There would also be no problem if you wanted to start dabbling your hand in running the shop entirely too."
"It's not that I'm against the idea, but..." I mirrored her amusement.
Daffodil and Umber loved their dad's shop, but it wasn't their calling in life. They had been troopers by working here after Mr. Mosaic's mind went despite them having other jobs. The two of them were constantly searching for someone they were comfortable with who was reliable enough to pass the shop on to, and I was a prime candidate for that once I got a bit more experience under my belt.
"It's something I'll consider, but," I spoke more seriously now, "It's just...I don't feel as if I can work full-time right now. Those few hours are quite crucial to me."
"I know they are, which is why I don't mean to push. Just remind." Daffodil acknowledged kindly.
"You sure you aren't interested in me setting up a meeting with you and my Uncle Sap? He said he'd have no problem getting together a team for this place." I offered.
"I'd like to not go that route just yet. I have nothing against Sap and Purity, but I'd like this bookstore to remain one of the family shops that stay out of the little Spring empire of businesses they've got steadily taking over the city." Daffodil denied with a hint of teasing.
"Got 'cha." I chuckled.
Daffodil went upstairs to join her brother and father. I went back to tending the desk. A small influx of afternoon customers prevented me from becoming terribly bored again, and before I knew it my shift was over. I grabbed a quick bite to eat before making my way towards a place I hated that I had to go to. What made it worse was that my trips to the hospital were an everyday occurrence, and they were where I spent those crucial hours of mine.
Mom's room was on the top floor at the end of the hallway. It was one of the rare rooms for a single occupant. Mom had been switched to shared rooms several times, but her health fell even further than it already had as soon as she had to spend time with someone else who was sick as well. It was never one thing with her anymore. Something would be going on, and as soon as she started to recover another illness or infection jumped on her to add to the problem. It was a painful cycle that had been going on for almost a year and a half now. Another horrible case of pneumonia had started it off, and it looked like there was no stopping it. Mom's body had no time to recover. No time to build up in strength or defense. The weaker and weaker she grew, the more I forgot what it was like to have her home. It had already been three weeks since the last time she'd been able to sleep in her own bed.
When I saw the lights off in her room as I approached her door, I knew she would be sleeping now. It was mom's current favorite pastime.
While I contemplated getting closer just to read the machines to see how she was doing, I kept quiet and made my way to the couch in the room. I didn't even bother turning on the lights.
"I guess I should get comfortable." I whispered to myself.
I spread myself out on the couch. Mom never took naps anymore that didn't last for at least five hours. I had no idea how long she'd been sleeping, and I had no clue when she would wake up. I could have worked a full shift, and she would be none the wiser. Still, I wanted to be here. There were days when she was awake as could be. She would be just as bored as I was then. Several hours of little to do in a quiet bookstore seamlessly flowed into a long stretch of little to do in a quiet hospital. I gave getting through another chapter in my book a go, but my brain was tired of the activity. Numbing it with pointless games on my phone was slightly better. I fell asleep myself on that couch, and that was the best part of my wait.
At one point after I woke, I took a walk up and down the hallways. I chatted with a few of the nurses I knew, and I helped collect a little boy who had snuck out of the children's wing in order to return him to his room. All of that took up, maybe, half an hour? It felt like five minutes to me. I seriously felt as if the inside of my head was turning to mush. Still, I refused to leave. I couldn't leave. Mom had had a bunch of tests yesterday. I had barely gotten to see her let alone talk to her. I wanted to see her awake and hear how she as doing from her own mouth. Well, what I truly wanted was her home, but I would take anything I could get.
"Coal?"
The world had grown dark when I finally heard my name being said. I had stood there standing by the window watching the light of the sun fade to my left as the glittering world of stars enveloped the sky to my right. However, I instantly snapped away from the scene when that one, soft syllable was uttered.
Mom gingerly sat up. I hated that I had to think to myself of how much I hated it when she sat up. It was a selfish wish, but I would rather she remain under the covers forever. Her strained face holding back pain appeared gaunt often enough, but seeing how thin and weak mom's body had become was more terrifying than Cerise's martial arts. She'd been skinny to begin with, but there was no longer an inch of fat left anywhere on her body.
And she was only getting worse.
"Why are you here?" mom asked me in the soft, struggling, slightly scratchy tone that was now her voice.
"I'm visiting you." I simply answered the obvious.
"Have you been here since you got out of work?" she wondered reluctantly.
"Of course."
"Coal Blazing Vivid," she sighed exasperatedly, "How many times do I need to say it? I don't want you here if I'm sleeping. You've wasted your whole afternoon. You should have gone home."
"Here, let me get the lights." I ignored her.
I suppressed a smile upon hearing her frustrated scoff. This was hardly the first time this kind of argument had come up. Even the stern stare mom sent my way didn't phase me. I focused on her instead.
"Should you be getting out from underneath the covers?" I asked as she slowly laid herself on top of her blankets.
"I am allowed to move about. I'm not some crazy loon in an insane asylum. The nurses know well enough that I understand my limits," she retorted with a raised brow, "Some of the ones tending to me now are the ones who looked after me when I was a child. I've been lying still for far too long, and it's incredibly hot under all these layers."
"A simple 'yes' would have done the trick." I teased.
That got a good eye roll out of her.
"I hope you at least did something useful while you were waiting for me to wake up. Looking at colleges perhaps?" she inquired- mostly chastisingly because she was aware the chance of me doing such a thing was abysmally low.
"Nah," I shrugged dismissively, "I read for a bit, beat Desi's high score on Ninja Fruity Swipe, took a nap, and walked around for a bit."
Expecting mom to get lightly annoyed with me like normal, I wasn't sure what to do when she flung herself back onto her pillow with a desperately sad sobbing sigh. Make no mistake that she wasn't still annoyed, but something was definitely different today. I wondered if she had gotten bad news this morning. The doctor had been saying he would be able to tell her if she would be able to go home soon. Perhaps mom would have to stay longer than planned. Perhaps her illness had simply been causing extra problems for her. I never got the answer.
"Sit." mom patted the space of mattress next to her.
The second I moved closer she grabbed my one arm, lightly placed her fingers against my cheek, and stared up at me intensely.
"Something has to change." she spoke determinedly.
"What do you mean?"
"You have to move on with your life," mom frowned at me, "You're going to get stuck if you don't push forward soon. Go to college. Get a proper job. Find another girlfriend. Anything. I'm sick and tired of you doing nothing but babysitting Riny in the morning, working in the afternoon, and then wasting your youth away visiting me when half the time it wouldn't make a difference if you were here or not."
"I'm only twenty," I forced a smile, "I've got plenty of time to make things work. You need me right now."
"You've already been saying that for two years. How much longer are you going to use that as an excuse? If you're not careful, you're going to blink and find that you're filled with nothing but regrets. You'd give anything to have back all the time and opportunities you let walk right past you."
"So dramatic. You've been watching way too many soap operas." I laughed weakly.
The hint of humor I was trying to inject into the conversation just wasn't happening. The frustration disappeared from mom's expression, but that was because the lightest pools of tears collected in her eyes instead.
"Why won't you take this seriously?" she wondered despondently.
"Mom, you don't have to worry," I promised, taking her hand against my cheek and holding it, "I don't mind how things are."
"That's not the same as being happy, and it's so easy to tell that you aren't. How could you be? You don't even get to see your friends anymore."
"I'm fine."
Mom let out the most dramatic exhale I'd ever heard. She truly had been watching too much daytime television.
"So damn stubborn." she shook her head, but the faintest of reluctant smiles graced her lips.
"I got that from my mom." I jibed, bending over to kiss her on the forehead.
"If you insist on being here, at least make yourself useful and get us some chips from the store downstairs. I'm done with hospital food. I want greasy and salty." she demanded.
"My two favorite things in food." I added, grinning wide.
"And when you get back we're going to talk some more about you going to school."
There went most of that smile.
The chips were hardly enough to satisfy my hunger. I planned on having dinner with mom, but, in addition to visitor hours ending, she kicked me out of her room. There was no choice left but to head home. Uncle Blaze and Cerise had been kind enough to keep dinner waiting for me, but that was because it was Uncle Blaze's night to cook. We always ate late on those nights as it took the man forever to get anything done as he would screw everything up catastrophically if he didn't watch himself like a hawk. I wasn't really in the mood for the salad he made, but I was famished enough that I ate without complaints. There wasn't exactly anything else to eat either. Mom having always done the cooking had spoiled us too greatly. We weren't the best at fending for ourselves without her around.
"So, can I go?" Cerise begged Uncle Blaze.
Dinner that night was a quiet affair. I didn't have much to talk about, Uncle Blaze was clearly tired, and so that left only Cerise who spent most of her air explaining why she should be allowed to attend a last second sleepover her friends decided to have. Glade was already at one her friends had prepared a week ago.
"If you can get one of her parents or one of your friends' parents to pick you up and drop you off, fine." Uncle Blaze caved.
"Awesome!" Cerise exclaimed in delight, "Clematis already said her parents are good to pick me up and bring them with her when they bring her down. I'll go get ready!"
She didn't bother to give her dirty dishes on the table a second thought. Cerise packed quickly, and her ride was at the door before Uncle Blaze and I finished eating.
"Do you mind, kid?" Uncle Blaze requested, motioning with his head towards the leftovers and dishes, "I've got some stuff that I really need to do."
"No, no, you go ahead. I've got it. You did the preparation, so it's only fair that I do the cleanup."
"Thanks."
Uncle Blaze really was something else. The counters he had used to make that simple salad were an absolute mess. The cleanup would have been rather simple if not for that. Scooping the leftovers into plastic containers and dumping the dishes into the dishwasher was a two minute job. Scrubbing the junk off the counter tops gave my arm a good workout. However, I would have gladly cleaned for an hour. As soon as I rinsed the soap out of the cloth I was using, I returned to facing the same problem I faced at work. The house was absolutely silent. All the life and noise I associated with it growing up was steadily flowing away as everyone was growing up. The backyard full of toys and playground equipment was all but ignored except for when Riny was over. There was no one to talk to with Uncle Blaze being busy. There was nowhere for me to go.
Trudging up to my room, I pulled out my phone. I won't deny that I got in trouble a few times in high school for having it out when I shouldn't. The constant buzzing from the conversations I had with my friends was more distracting than I should have let it be. Yet, I would have loved to have that kind of distraction again. Anytime my phone buzzed I whipped it out of my pocket a little too fast. Almost always I would sigh a bit as the vibration would be nothing else but a notification sent from one of the games I had installed. I stared at the screen now, and there wasn't even one of those to greet me.
That's why I took the initiative. There were unanswered texts from Azure I responded to, but no quick replies came. So I took to going down the list and calling. Midas didn't pick up. Azure didn't either. I got Holly's voicemail too, and the call to Mimosa went straight to voicemail as well without even ringing. That didn't give me much hope when I selected Rosemary's number. I inhaled sharply when I heard a click.
"Hey, Coal." she answered after two rings.
"Hey, Mary. How are you?"
"I'm alright. Did you need something?"
The way she said that and didn't wonder how I was doing let me in on the fact that her time was limited. Rosemary sounded rushed.
"Not anything in particular. I haven't really been able to get in contact with you the past couple days, so I figured I'd call to see how you were doing." I explained, daring to be optimistic.
"I'm sorry about that, Coal. Mom warned me I scheduled way too many classes, and she was right. I can barely keep up," she said, stress and guilt in her voice, "And, I can't really talk now. I have my night class tonight. We're on a five minute break, and it's about to end. I can see the professor walking back towards the room."
"Ah, right. I forgot about your night classes."
"I really am sorry." Rosemary apologized.
"It's fine. You do what you gotta do.
"I'll call you tomorrow."
"Sounds good. Have a good night, Mary."
"You too."
She ended the call before I could bring the phone away from my ear.
I stood there in the quiet unsure of what to do. It was way too early to go to bed. I couldn't even busy myself with a long shower as I had taken one that morning. Pacing about pointlessly for a few minutes gave my body tired of sitting something to do, but my mind wasn't satisfied with that. I made my way over to Uncle Blaze's room instead to see what he was working on. I would gladly help him out if he needed it or do another chore if he had something in mind. Unfortunately, my uncle was also unavailable.
"Conked out at 8 in the evening. You're such an old man." I scoffed in amusement upon seeing him totally off in dreamland.
So much for him having important stuff to do.
I turned off his lights for him before being forced to head back to my room. The silence of my solitude truly started to bother me. I plomped myself into the chair at my desk, yet I abruptly halted before I could scoot in. So, this was it, huh? Another Friday night by myself. Another evening cooped up in my room mindlessly playing videos games pitifully keeping an eye out for those rare instances when Midas or Azure would pop online so we could play together. I wondered what those two usually did with their weekends over there in college-land. I knew Holly was in the dance group at her school. They practiced from dawn till dusk as far as I was aware, because that's all Holly ever said she was doing when I did hear back from her. Rosemary was always in class. Mimosa was simply forgetful. I was a little miffed at her. I had expected she would stay home too instead of moving on to higher education. That had been her plan- live at home and open her little bakery business. Then she found a culinary school she adored, and she was doing quite well despite the challenges she faced.
My fingers fiddled with the wood of the chair while my gaze switched from being stuck on the floor to be stuck on the computer screen. I had no desire to turn the machine on. What I wanted was for time to reverse back to high school. Back to those Friday nights and weekends where I would rarely be home. Then I could ignore mom's words lingering in my ears. Two years had gone, and I had achieved nothing. Even if I started college as soon as possible, I would be far behind anyone my age. I gritted my teeth. Why was mom so smart? Here was the 'blink' she warned me of, and I couldn't ignore regret after regret that washed over me. Look at how much time I had wasted. Look at everything I had let pass me by.
Shaking my head furiously, I snatched my phone. Then I laughed miserably at myself at my desire to hear any familiar voice. To have the illusion that someone was close.
"This is pathetic." I scoffed.
Still, I dialed that number. The number for the phone mom continued to pay the bill for even though its owner hadn't used it in years. I barely breathed as the call rang and rang until the voicemail activated.
"Hey there! You've reached Amaranth Vivid! I'm either unavailable or one of my kids has stolen my phone again to play Puzzle Pieces, so go ahead and leave a message. I'll get back to you as soon as I'm free or as soon as I can recover what's mine. Talk to you then!"
A smile mixed with a grimace as nostalgia, amusement, and sadness hit my chest. I listened to the automatic message telling me the voicemail was full before shaking my head, sighing heavily, and calling dad's number again.
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